Must be a pretty small one. Ok, obviously I'm generalizing. I like this response. Ice cream first dates are pretty rad. Even if it goes poorly you get ice cream so that is cool in the end. I think I'm home. This is my exact circumstance as well.
9 Reasons Dating As A Non-Drinker Stinks (The Struggle Is Real!)
I will drink on very rare occasions but there are specific circumstances required and it's really uncommon for me. I also find people who drink regularly sometimes difficult to be around, particularly if they drink heavily. I tell people clearly and honestly how I feel about it as soon as it comes up naturally. I dated a woman a few years ago who was super shitty about it but we kept dating anyway.
She thought I was trying to control her when I was just trying to explain to her why I wanted to prefer ahead of time to know if she was going to be drinking heavily at an event essentially so I'd know not to attend. She was also a huge asshole when she was drinking so that didn't help. Anyway, the point is that the moment she was shitty about it, I should have left. It ended up being a lot more painful after that and I've learned my lesson. People will either respect your boundaries or they won't.
Don't date people who don't, it's not worth it. If you're on a date and it comes up, just say that you don't drink because your family has a history of alcoholism. If they get weird about it, don't stick around. Thanks for your answer.
That's cool that you are honest about it early. I certainly have no issue dating someone who drinks, but someone who drinks a lot would be problematic I think. And sorry you went through all that with the woman who was shitty. You're totally right about respecting boundaries.
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I haven't always been good about it but I think I am learning. You don't need to bring it up out the blue, that kind of thing tends to surface early on on its own IME. Plus, when people love the drink more than their partner, they're just not worth dating anymore. I've had potential dates ghost because I don't drink It'll come up eventually so I would just be open about it.
I haven't been ghosted because of it but I have gotten a sense that it is a it of an issue with some folks. I ain't mad tho, we all have preferences. I tried not drinking once. Turns out I don't like people I'm dating as well when I'm sober. Bring it up beforehand. It gets real awkward when you have to explain why you're getting a lemonade after they just got their drink. Haha what usually happens is that they ask "Is it OK if I have wine?
It's usually not a problem for me. I would include in my profile that I don't drink, and then when it is time to schedule dates, I try to come up with something with the other person in which no drinking is necessary.
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Yeah I have it on my profile as well but don't really get into it. I figure it is better to talk about why in person maybe? You could say "I'm not a big drinker," and then just never drink haha.
Dating as a non-drinker : OkCupid
I usually say, "It's not my jam. I actually had it on my profile "drinks rarely," even though "never" is more accurate. Never say never ;. I had a friend in highschool that always said this to me. He still doesn't drink, It just ran in his family and he wants to stay away from it. I thought it was weird but understandable. I don't think dwelling on it makes much sense either but it is interesting. Once you connect with the right person in life then dating them will become natural and easy. I wouldn't worry about the stigma with not drinking, I honestly admire it.
I am not strong enough to not drink.. Ah well, it is nothing to be admired really. I wouldn't say it was a life-and-death type of choice necessarily, but I saw so many lives ruined from it that I knew I didn't want to go out like that. Sure you're strong enough if that is what you want to do!
Anything is ok in moderation though! Except most people's "social drinking" or drinking in moderation is well past healthy doses haha. Not that I have an issue with people who drink. But that phrase doesn't really apply everywhere. Are you looking for a sober partner?
Want to add to the discussion?
Or would you go to a bar and "meet for drinks" but only have a club soda or something? I think you should be up front and say "I don't drink. I'm not in recovery, I just never really drank to begin with and so now I don't drink at all" and then leave it at that. There's no real reason to get into the blah blah family history. If they don't accept that or continue probing then you can be like "yeah it's just not a big deal if you drink tho" and then change the subject.
If they continue after that, then I'd consider you incompatible and then just don't see them again. Not looking for a sober partner specifically, no. Although if drinking is a huge part of their life I would obviously not be the best partner in the same way that someone who is super active may not want to date a couch potato. Good advice though, I should be clear I have no problem with folks who do drink. I don't want them to feel bad if they get a glass of wine or whatever. I am not judging anyone!
Taking that approach will help a lot! I don't have any issues with a sober partner, but it does feel awkward at first where I would feel rude drinking in front of them. I tell a date I do not drink My best friend in HS was killed by a drunk driver My Estrogen levels and Testosterone level switch which is hard enough on my brain I am sorry to hear about your loss and your own history with alcohol. I think we have had similar experiences it seems. It certainly can be a scourge for some families unfortunately.
My ex wife and past 4 GF's didn't drink too How is that working for you?
Welcome to Reddit,
I have never really dated anyone who was a heavy drinker, but I guess it is something I subconsciously avoid? Yeah I have to say most folks are nice about it and only a couple of women sort of blanched at it. But with a bit of explanation they seem fine with it. I am usually honest but don't want to overshare either.
It's a fine line, I suppose. Fair point, that is a good perspective on things. No need to belabor things, but be honest about it. Maybe just say you don't have a good constitution for alcohol and and leave it that. I'd say it's really up to you. I certainly wouldn't be turned off or think it's overly personal if you bring up your family history, but I'd also understand if you think it's too personal or don't want to talk about it up front.
Right, that is the balance of trying to figure out what is enough to reveal without oversharing. I just try to be honest without dwelling or anything. I don't drink because I drive a lot. Luckily I've never had any issue with it when dating. Any date that did have a problem with it isn't the right person for me. I don't drink for the same reason as you. When guys suggest we 'get a drink' I always say 'sure! But I don't actually drink alcohol, so I'll be downing a Coke Zero'.
How to date a non-drinker –
They usually ask why and I usually say 'fucked up childhood' and there's no problem. I don't drink coffee either, just because I don't like it. So when guys suggest getting a coffee I always say 'sure!