But its an underlying selfish motive at its most basic level and gives little consideration to anyone else. How is this a good thing? I am sorry that your wife and her father are estranged. However, I stand by my views. I can agree with your some of your views to a point.
Dating While Widowed: How Soon Is Too Soon? | anniegirl
In my wifes situation, her mothers belongings were everywhere in their family home. There was no snooping as you may have been led to believe. She was permitted to go through her mothers belongings and was invited several times to do so. Its just unfortunate that her father instead of dealing with his grief has none other than decided to acquire a rebound girlfriend and shun the rest of the family for calling him out on it. His actions have shown much disrespect to my wifes family. Was that hard on us kids?
Deciding on a Time Frame
He talked to each of us beforehand and we expressed our concerns, but then we let him live his life. They celebrated their 23rd anniversary this year and are still going strong.
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On the other side of that coin, my own wife passed away at a relatively young age, and I remarried just over a year later. You and your wife have zero right to tell your father-in-law how he should or should not grieve, and you are the ones that have caused the rift in the family, not him.
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And yeah, I would probably have some not-very-nice things to say after that as well. For the sake of your family, I encourage you and your wife to sit down with your father-in-law, apologize for trying to run his life, and then make the best effort you can to get to know his new girlfriend — not as a replacement for your mother-in-law, but as her own person. Your message is probably pending approval but I wanted to reply to your comment.
First and foremost let me offer my sympathies on the passing of your late mother and wife. Your thoughts and views on the topic at hand are indeed valuable as you have experienced both losses. I think in our situation it really boils down to the fact that my father in law is the type of person to make quick decisions and normally has not been the type of person to consider how his actions may affect others.
He is an adult approaching 60 and he certainly is entitled to live his life as he wishes. As a side note, the 1 year grieving subject never was brought up in conversation with him. This was just an observation on my part, of times past that seemed to show respect and consideration to ALL persons involved in grieving the deceased. It is still practiced in many cultures around the world I might add. In retrospect as my wife has discussed with me, her father has always placed honesty as a value of highest priority in his home and raising his family.
My wife and I both would have been okay with his new girlfriend, even though we are not happy with the timing, if he had just been honest about his involvement with her. We are all adults. I completely back my wife for feeling lied to and she is completely justified feeling betrayed by finding the new girlfriends things right next to her mothers belongings throughout her childhood home so shortly after her mom died. We live blocks away from each other and would regularly visit 2 or 3 times a week and have for years.
Now it has abruptly been changed from a place of family togetherness to being told we are both not welcome there anymore. Again thank you for your perspective. I have and still am considering some of the ideas you have shared. I do wish you and your wife and father-in-law all the best and hope you are all able to work things out in the end. Lots of widowed folk date and even find new long term partners in the first year of widowhood.
There is no right way to grieve. I lost my wife of 37 years 3 weeks ago.
Dating after death of spouse- how long?
She had been ill for the past year with a disease that caused her body the destroy her own red blood cells. This past year she had been givin a total of 18 units of blood, along with many infusions of chemo type products. When they would treat one symptom a different symptom would pop up. We always thought they would get it cured but we were still realistic enough to know it could all go bad at anytime. They say what happened to her had a. My point is, even though we were sure it would be all right we still talked about what-if.
So for the past 6 months with that in mind we discussed it both ways her or me. So we made plans for both of us. Bottom line is that we agreed that the other one must go on with life. We talked about most everything. Selling property, the other one relocating closer to our kids. But one of the most important things was they the other one should not live the rest their life alone.
And never feel bad about going on with their life in the best way possible. One of which is to find someone the share my life with. A new partner in life. I am very confident she would approve. I am sorry for your loss. You are fortunate though that you had the time together to really talk about what you wanted for each other. It has only been 6 weeks, I am widowed at I lost my husband unexpectedly 13 days short of our 8th wedding anniversary.
We had been together for I was appalled by this behavior!
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Now I sit in an identifiable situation as to losing a spouse. Let me say this from my own experience…the Loneliness a widow feels is excruciating. The word lonely is putting it mildly. This is how I ended up here, reading, posting…etc My heart still is hurting, my brain is still trying to wrap my head around it, my loneliness now is what I feel on a constant. So as far as others opinions, like in-laws,children or even old friends , unless you have walked in my shoes on my path of loneliness…I want everyone to realize how lonely loneliness actually is.
My husband just passed 3 weeks ago. Im a widow at age We were married 29 years and I married him in high school.
How soon is too soon?
He and us is all I have ever known. I just feel like I am in a whirlwind and overwhelmed with decision-making finances, stuff, relationships. I feel like my life has never been so disorganized. Thank you for your post. Dear one, I do know your loneliness as I too lost my first husband at age 42 and now 3 and a half months ago, my second husband. It still hurts knowing it was going to happen or something that happened suddenly.
I have had both experiences. Life gives us all unexpected stories. We need to realize we are in charge of that life and move forward as best we can. It is easy to tell someone not to be lonely or sad when they may not have ever gone through the same experience. The only things that I found that helped was keeping busy and being around people. That does not necessarily mean having a job or being with family. It really is a difficult place to be. So give yourself some time and as people were telling me, take care of yourself.
Bless all of you going through this painful time.