What does it look like when it's real? July 16, 9: I am currently in individual therapy to deal with personal stuff and have recently agreed with prompting by my therapist to participate in group therapy specific to dating and relationships. My first question is "What does healthy mature dating look like as an older person when you are more likely to carry your own baggage and encounter dating prospects with their own share of emotional baggage that they may or may not have dealt with so far?
Note that I'm not saying, never date anyone with baggage. I'm saying, the healthier you get the easier it will be to recognize which people are dealing with their baggage, and which people are not. Liking who you get to be with that person. Feeling good about yourself when you're with them and without them. Wanting but not consumed by thoughts of them, or you, or the 'us' of it all.
It's a delight, not an obsession. They add to your life and it's clear what you add to theirs. All the rest is just details, but they should amount to this.
Let's Be Friends!
I guess you need to differentiate between dating and a relationship. To me, healthy dating is where both parties feel safe, have mutual interests, a physical attraction, have fun, and go home with their self-respect intact. Relationships are more complex, take longer to develop, and no two are much alike. If a prospective dating partner has obvious baggage that they haven't dealt with they probably aren't someone to consider dating. Everyone has baggage, and I think you are right that the old people get the more likely it is that they will have baggage, but how people manage and deal with their baggage is the most important aspect.
Healthy chemistry is really relationship specific.
In broad terms, a healthy chemistry should include something where both people feel as though their life is improved by being with that person, the relationship brings them more joy and happiness than stress and upset, that it is reciprocal, that it is respectful, and it is based upon deeper things than just the physical. For me it was a constant feeling of surprise that a particular quirk of mine there were several that had, in the past, made people cock their heads in confusion or even distaste, was not only acceptable but delightful to the other person.
In other words, they didn't just accept who I was, they really really liked who I was. The other part, again for me , was someone who was self-directed and did not expect me to push them, guide them, or clean up after them. They knew what they wanted, they had a plan for getting it, they were open to my input but not dependent on that, they worked hard, and they were trustworthy. Neither of us is a paragon of virtue and we've both been forced to grow and adapt to the crap life has thrown at us.
We have not always been sure we were going to stay together. But our problems were always about what was best for each of us, not about whether the other person was acting in good faith or actually cared. We both know we will act decently towards one another even if we don't agree.
Modern Dating: Signs Of A Healthy Relationship
We like being around each other, to a ridiculous degree. I don't know if any of that helps you, but that's the closest I can come to describing things at their healthiest. This isn't a good measuring stick if you're still prone to unhealthy friendships too, but it's a useful starting point to rule out the errors caused by sheer physical attraction. Watch the way the person treats their friends. This is the way they will treat you once they are past the first flush of good behavior.
I think the healiest thing is that I felt completely comfortable to be my absolute self. If I didn't feel like doing something, I said so, without that fear that the other person would dump me on the spot. There is no excuse for abuse of any kind. Consider these points as you move forward:. Even though you cannot change your partner, you can make changes in your own life to stay safe. Consider leaving your partner before the abuse gets worse.
Whether you decide to leave or stay, make sure to use our safety planning tips to stay safe. Remember, you have many options — including obtaining a domestic violence restraining order. Laws vary from state to state so chat with a peer advocate to learn more. Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call loveisrespect at or TTY Skip to content Healthy Relationships Healthy Relationships. What is a Healthy Relationship? Healthy Communication Open, honest and safe communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship.
The following tips can help you and your partner create and maintain a healthy relationship: Let your significant other know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way. Offer reassurance and encouragement to each other. Also, let your partner know when you need their support.
Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down. Healthy relationships require space. Healthy Boundaries Creating boundaries is a good way to keep your relationship healthy and secure.
5 Rules Of Dating: How To Attract Healthy Relationships and Healthy Marriages - Intent Blog
Go out with your friends without your partner. Participate in activities and hobbies you like. Not have to share passwords to your email, social media accounts or phone.
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Healthy Relationship Boosters Even healthy relationships can use a boost now and then. Consider these points as you move forward: Understand that a person can only change if they want to. Focus on your own needs. Are you taking care of yourself? Your wellness is always important.