Dating again baggage reclaim

Right now, I need to look after me and love me a bit — and all my plans around that so far has worked. I look and feel great! The first one was clearly not a match and the second one just cut me off. I can only speak from my own experience, but emotions usually get much more involved when there is physical intimacy, and you may find yourself much more attached than you would want, and then your casual, carefree, relationship is suddenly the source of much heartbreak.

I just hope you tread very carefully. I wish you all the best. I have no idea. But, I have a question — why do I even need a relationship? I have two beautiful kids, one who is now an adult, one still at home. There are no rules that you have to be in a relationship. I was in one from age 14 to 46 one right after another. It seems like a big old bother frankly. Life has so much to offer with or without a guy. Thank you so much for saying that! I was starting to think that I must have been deluding myself and very convincingly at that! I second guess myself all the time.

I know I went this relationship four years ago without first being over my ex at the time. THAT was long and drawn out and I still feel haunted by it at times. And misery loves company. Dad only talks about it as if they had the ideal loving marriage. And I love my ex. And he loves me. Betty, Nat wrote you a reply on the last post… will you have a read? Have you thought about seeing a counseller? Psychiatrists really only work with the medication and monitor your moods. I think seeing a good counsellor would really help you to understand why you are co-dependent which results in the fluctuating moods.

What we want to achieve is stability in our moods and more groundedness within ourselves. When you look at a big old oak tree, for example, eventhough there could be a very strong wind blowing, the tree stays rooted in the ground.


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We want to be more like the oak trees…. I empathize with what you are going through right now. I know it can feel overwhelming, and maybe like this is all you will ever feel. But, please know it WILL get better.

Reclaim You: 100 Tips For Dating With Your Self-Esteem In Tow

I agree with Audrey about the counselor. I was in a terrible state after my divorce. I was such an emotional wreck, and could not stop crying. I started to see a counselor, and we talked about the co-dependency in my relationship with my ex-husband. You see, while he was the one cheating, lying, deceiving, etc. So, I was busy holding everything in to lessen the consequences of his actions!

My counselor explained to me that I had years of unresolved and unexpressed emotions coming to the surface, and that eventually they would feel more manageable. That is my unique situation, but I do know that we can stuff alot of feelings out of the way, either from previous relationships, from codependent behavior, abuse, etc. And we can turn to a man to soothe that inner anxiety that is always bubbling under the surface, due to those unresolved issues.

Either way you look at this, I would want to encourage you to do some work on yourself, before deciding that letting him go was a mistake. You may be surprised. I guess my Australianness comes out in the fact that I shorten words we all do! I started seeing her recently and as of Tuesday I can tell that this is going to be beneficial for me, dealing with long standing, deep-seated issues. The GP is going to monitor me on it.

Reclaim You: 100 Tips For Dating With Your Self-Esteem In Tow

I need to be in a good place, a healthy place. I came upon your site at a time when i found myself at a crossroads in my barely there 4 mos relationship with an EUM. Your posts opened my eyes and gave me the courage to dump my EUM and ive been NC for the past 17 days. But i know that i did the right thing and coming here everyday to read your posts and comments have helped alot. Upon breaking up with my EUM, i immediately started texting every guy in my phonebook and put my profile back on the dating site i often use to date its the same site where i met the ex….

Anyway, i started chatting with a couple of guys and was really giddy about the attention i was getting. It just felt like the familiar dating cat n mouse BS game again and i dont want to deal with that right now. Before reading your post i was contemplating taking my profile down again and not dating for awhile. Now i know that its something i will do. I have to make myself whole again before i go out there and try to find and build a real relationship.

With that said ive already started on my journey to wholeness by reading a couple of books Dr. Its scary to think that at 37 im finally beginning to get in touch with my emotions. And i sometimes feel that i wasted my youth playing games and that no one will love me because im a 37 yo single mother. But I hope that this is not the case and when im done becoming whole my prize will be emotional stability, inner peace and a wonderful relationship. God bless you all! For me is been 2. I need to feel personally secure and have a good set of boundaries in place before I can go dating again.

Thanks for another great post.

If you're healing, why are you dating? - Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue

I recently came across your blog and have been finding you posts incredibly helpful in getting clarity about many relationship issues. He had recently come out of a relationship due to the fact he left the country he was living in to return home and we happened to meet one afternoon and hit it off straight away. So for now I continue to do the dance of life, two steps forward, one step back and I continue to trust that true love really does exist out there…!

Keep the great posts coming! There seems to be two extremes that people follow — one is to move on, including dating straight after the break up while the second is to heal yourself first. Two complete people coming together. I believe that life is really somewhere in the middle, moderation is the key.

None of us are perfect. To be human is to be imperfect.


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  8. If you are someone who has never really been single in your life, why not decide to take the next 6 or 12 months to spend time on yourself? I have done it and highly recommend it. One telltale sign to tell if you are ready is if you are out with friends and consider asking them to introduce you to someone, when you begin to tear up… then you are not ready. That way, those people can decide if they want to waste time with you.

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    I have not attempted to date since the AC ended things in June. I feel better, have much healthier attitudes and beliefs about love and no longer need anything external to validate me. But I am still not there yet and I know that. What I see is way too many people who want to fill time with other people. What is too painful to bear is when one side thinks one thing is going on and the other things something completely different and neither side is willing to talk about it.

    I think what can happen too is if someone is an assclown and they actually are experiencing some version of pain and by pain I mean dent to their ego in Oh Debra this is so very true. It is well and truly awful.


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    I still have twinges of regret for a relationship I was in with an EU man many years ago who lied to me, though this site is helping me understand what happened and the unhealthy dynamic between us. Same goes for the rest of your comment. So, do i miss him…….

    Love After Narcissistic Abuse – The Right Time To Start Dating Again