Lifestyle & Relationships
By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy. It also received 22 testimonials from readers, earning it our reader-approved status. See if he only contacts you after dark. If your guy only calls you hours after the sun has set below the horizon and the stars come out, chances are, it's not because he's in the mood for stargazing. Though it does mean that he's definitely in the mood. If you never hear from him until after-hours, unless he's a doctor with an insane schedule, it's likely that it means he only has sex on the brain.
See if he only contacts you on the weekdays.
10 Signs He Wants to Date You, Not Just Hook Up
If he gets in touch with you on week nights but you almost never hear from him on the weekends, it's because he's reserving the weekends for his Grade-A tail, or for the women that he actually thinks are worth dating. If you never hear from him until rarely on Friday or Saturday nights, but come Tuesday, his schedule is wide open, then it's because he expects your legs to be wide open, too. See if he only contacts you sporadically. If you only hear from him once or twice a week, and it's not to set up a date, but to sporadically come over right now, then he may just want you for sex.
If you can't get a hold of him when you want to see how he's doing for five days, but suddenly he's blowing up your phone at midnight on a Wednesday night, then he must be ready for some more convenient late night lovin'. See if he doesn't respond to you unless you want to hook up.
If you text him to say, "How's your day going? But if you text him a casual "I want to see you," one night, and you can already hear him put his foot on the gas pedal, then you have a problem. See if he's always "so busy. If you know that he has time to hang out with friends, go to sporting events, and spend hours watching TV with his brother, but when he's too busy to grab coffee on a Sunday afternoon, then he just doesn't want to make time for you.
See if he never invites you anywhere. If he only calls you to "hang out" at your place, or to spend some time "catching up" on the couch of his dirty apartment, then he doesn't really want to do anything that doesn't involve your body. Sure, the occasional drink or fancy dinner can be his way of "making it up to you," but if you feel like you almost never see the outside world together, then he doesn't want you to be a part of his everyday life for a reason.
See if you never talk about your personal lives.
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If all you do is talk about hooking up or how much you want each other, then your relationship is mostly about sex. Sure, many relationships can start off like that -- you're obsessed with each other, you're always having sex, you're missing invitations to have sex, etc -- but if it's been a long time and you haven't progressed past the sex sex sex phase, then your relationship may not be deeper than that.
Or if you are the only one disclosing all the details of your past history, relationships, etc, and he never shares real details about his past, but always phrases questions to get more information about you, then be careful he is trying to manipulate you. See how he reacts when you ask him what he's thinking, feeling, wondering about.
If he immediately backs off, then you have a problem. See if it feels like all you do is sex. Are you spending an infinite amount of time in the boudoir? Is this balancing out with a whole lot of other activities together or is it the main or even only activity the two of you spend together?
If it is taking up more time developing a range of interests together, then it is probable that he is only interested in your relationship for the sex. Is he requiring you to perform additional sexual acts that you are not comfortable with? Even if it's not literally all you do, if you feel that way, then you have to follow your gut. See if he's quick to leave after a love making session. Or if he doesn't really contact you after a love making session. Does he rarely or never stay the night?
If so, you're one of his nightly activities, not the love of his life. If he'll give you perfunctory kiss, and then start throwing on his clothes, then he doesn't want to spend the night with you because it will feel too much like you have a real relationship. And if he always offers a convenient excuse for why he has to go, or why he doesn't contact, or he is always so busy, then that's even worse.
Sure, he may tell you that he has to wake up wicked early. But then why did he wait until 1 a. See if you never kiss without it leading to sex. In most relationships, people kiss just to show affection, to feel a connection, and to be intimate in a quick and enjoyable fashion. You can just be kissing when you're taking a walk, kissing in a dark bar, or just because you have the urge on a Monday morning.
If every time you kiss your man, he starts reaching for your x-rated body parts, then he may think that he should only kiss you for some sexy time. Check out his level of affection. Does he ever want to snuggle, cuddle, or hug just because, without any sexual connection? If not, then it may be because he wants one thing only. See if you've never hung out with his friends. Have you been hooking up for months, but you've never met a single one of his friends?
Does he hang out with his friends all the time without you but never invite you out to join him? That's because either he's too embarrassed to bring you around, because he doesn't want to invest that much in your relationship, or even because there may be some other girls hanging around who he wants to keep away from you. See if he never reveals personal information.
Signs He Wants To Date You: Does He Want To Date Me or Just a Hookup?
Guys who are using a woman for sex often give few or no details about themselves. Have you gleaned what you know about him from friends, personal observation, general conversations, past interactions, or has he really volunteered personal and revelatory information about himself to you? This is a VERY telling point, so it is worth considering carefully. See if he's bored when you talk about yourself. Does he get bored quickly when you discuss your work, your hobbies, your activities, general daily issues?
Does he try to stop the discussion and turn it back into "fixing everything with a snuggle on the couch"?. If so, he might be pushing aside the emotional entanglement of a real relationship just so that he can keep open the using side without feelings of guilt. He could also present himself as a counselor and offer advice about all of your issues, but not disclose any of his so that you can be involved in his life. See if he rarely seems to care how you're feeling.
Have you never heard him randomly ask if you're upset, ask how your day was, or just wonder why you had tears in your eyes? If he seems absolutely allergic to your emotions, then chances are it's not because he's too shy to ask or too awkward to help you deal, but it's because, well, he just doesn't really care that much. If he's just into you for sex, then any of your complicated, messy feelings will be a hurdle for him and nothing more. See if he tells you he doesn't want a relationship. This may seem like a no-brainer, but many women refuse to see what's right in front of their eyes, even if they hear it.
If he has told you that he's just into casual dating, that he doesn't have time for anything serious, or that he's just not a relationship kind of guy, then he probably meant it.
I was basically substituting self-worth for sex and it worked in the short-term. Every new attractive hookup was an affirmation of self, and my batting average was high. Probably a self-esteem thing too. Date material on the other hand, insofar as my subjective notion of it applies, is a girl who is creative, intelligent, fun, sweet, interesting, etc — all the things my girlfriend is.
I want to date the girl my mom would be proud of. I want to fuck the girl my mom would be appalled at. As men, we have two very distinct sets of standards. Want my cock tonight? However, dating means commitment. Dating carries a tremendous opportunity cost for the sexually active single male.
You are throwing away an unknown amount of pussy, of unknown quality. So if a man can find sexual satisfaction while single, the cost-benefit analysis of a relationship is pretty uneven. In order for the percieved benefits to outweigh the percieved costs, the girl in question needs to be an absolute no-brainer. Physical attractiveness, intelligence, sense of humor, core values, etc. Sexual compatibilitly is huge, too.
Both are willing to sleep with us, only one is worth holding an actual conversation with.
If you put out but get rejected, youre most likely annoying, or just to easy to pass up. When I say dates, I do mean the traditional types where you go to watch movies, have dinner or coffee or even spend a fun day at an amusement park. You two seldom have these dates, if any at all. Netflix and chill is pretty much all that you two do. Now these could be at your place or his, but they can also be at the nearest rundown hotel that you two can find.
Everything else is secondary. And when he does end up staying at your place for the night…. Girl, this is a massive red flag. As simple as that. He has no reason to spend the morning with you, cuddling, whispering sweet nothings in your ear and having breakfast together.