Im dating my friends ex girlfriend

If this lady and your friend dated seriously for a long time, then neither one is ready for a new relationship. Be friends with both and keep things friendly for now, and give it more than two weeks before you start dating. Keep seeing your lady-friend as a friend. If you don't want to date other people, don't, but don't move this relationship to a dating level until enough time has passed that they are both over the old relationship and ready to move on. He might think you're a giant asshole for dating his ex a few weeks after they broke up and he's entitled to think that and there's not much you can do to mitigate it.

So, it's up to you: You have every right and reason to make whichever decision you feel is in your best interests, but you can't control the fallout from whatever choice you make.

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Are you prepared to lose your friend of a decade over a relationship of a few weeks? If the connection is in fact meaningful enough to potentially risk your relationship with your old friend, it will survive the months needed to let the temperature drop and give her space to process her very recent ex-relationship. You don't date a friends ex. Don't date a fresh ex. Let's the dust settle. Then maaaaaaybe something happens but in all likelihood probably not.

It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why

If he's truly a close friend, the caring thing would be not to date his ex. You are within your rights to date this woman, but it would hurt him, and you would do it knowingly. It would not be the kind of behaviour I would hope for from a close friend. Without referencing my own opinions about norms and stuff, I would just point to your own words: Have you realized this woman is the love of your life, the future Mrs. Anonymous, and the possible mother of your children?

If so, go for it, but do make a point of telling him so at least he doesn't hear from someone else and think you've been sneaking around. He doesn't own her and no one is being unfaithful so it is okay to do something you know will hurt him if that much is at stake for the two of you. If not, think very carefully about whether you want to do something you know will hurt a good friend in order to date someone who may well be on the rebound.

I don't know why this sort of thing feels like a betrayal, but it does, and you should take that seriously. I have never seen this go down without people thinking the new relationship started before the end of the last relationship.

It taints how people see you, even if it's categorically untrue. Your good friend will have this thought cross his mind at least once. Do you want to cause this sort of schism in your relationships? If she's really all that and the two of you are a good thing, cooling off for a few months to a year will be good.

Build a firm foundation - that's like rule one in successful relationships. If she's just a fling, have a fling with someone else. Be a good guy and walk away from it.

Can You Date A Friend's Ex?

I'm not sure you really want someone who jumped from a boyfriend to his best friend of a decade within one month of the break- least of which could be her playing out a reckless rebound. There's virtually zero chance you can have both. FWIW there is no judgement from me here, and no odds-placing.

Dating Your Friend's Ex - AskMen

My husband of 10 years was the boyfriend of a friend. We are obviously not friends any more. Whatever you decide to do, don't do it behind your friend's back. My former best friend had a fling with a then-recent ex of mine and I didn't find out about it for a few months. The fact that he kept it from me made things worse, and our friendship didn't survive it.

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  • Dating Your Friend's Ex.
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I didn't expect any kind of "honorable" behavior from my ex, but I did expect it from my best friend. I felt really betrayed by the whole thing. All that said, if you value your friendship with this person you should stay far, far away from this potential mess. Mostly I'm of the "there are plenty of fish in the sea, is this worth losing a good friend over? But I do have a pair of friends who got together about six months after the guy broke up with another girl they'd both been friends with. Pair of friends has now been married for more than a decade, so it seems ridiculous to say they shouldn't have dated.

BUT it did torpedo both of their friendships with First Girlfriend. All this time later and that friendship never recovered. So if you feel strongly about this woman, go for it, but know that your friendship with her ex is likely toast unless he chooses to not hold a grudge. I'm very much of the "he doesn't own her and has no say in who she gets to date" school of thought, but while that is absolutely true it's probably not going to mitigate his hurt feelings for the near future.

This all depends on how much of a connection you feel whether or not it's truly worth it. None of us can know, that's why the answers all bounce between no and yes. I would trust your gut. What is reasonable is that if you both feel such a strong connection, you cool it for a bit and you can see if it's real or just a rebound and you can talk to your friend.

Though I know how hard waiting is when you're really into someone The only clear thing is that you must talk to the friend if you do go forward. Do not let him hear about it some other way. That's hurtful, demeaning and puts your relationship in the light of skulking in the shadows. The situation you describe is fairly dramatic and the best way to not hurt anyone is to just walk away, because this doesn't end well And while you're walking away, you might want to do some thinking about why you want to be in such a dramatic situation.

What you're doing is, well, pretty destructive to yourself, your friend, the woman, and your ties with and to one another. Like people said above, if this is going to work, it will work later. If you must, you can wait awhile until the dust has settled. YMMV, but i've been in a somewhat similar situation. Not that we actually dated either, we just started hanging out all the time. My friend was pretty hurt, and it almost ruined our friendship. A few months later the ex got pissed that i was still friends with him and quit talking to me basically entirely, even though she knew at the outset i wasn't just going to quit being his friend.

This is the sort of thing you do like a year later. Maybe even more, if you're going to do it at all. And really really ask yourself if it's worth it. Or at the very least, inconsiderate and tactless. I'm really really not in to any kind of bro-code sort of stuff and i'm not saying that at all here. I'm just saying that the Average Reasonable Person would likely be upset if their friend did this to them, and they wouldn't be a whiny baby for feeling that way. I just really really see this ending as it not working out, or her getting bored, or realizing she wanted to spite him more than anything and leaving And my ex convinced him not to tell me she, somewhat misguidedly but with good intentions didn't want to hurt my feelings, and i believed her years later because she was just sort of bad at gauging that stuff.

When i found out i actually wasn't that mad it happened, just sort of disappointed I only found out because a mutual friend told me in a really roundabout way since he thought it was sketchy. So pretty much don't do this, if you do it be open about it, run if she doesn't want to be, be prepared to ruin your friendship, and don't expect it to work out. What reason is there not to wait? Even if she hadn't broken up with your friend, i'm one of those people who thinks it's just unhealthy to go straight from relationship to relationship like that with no breaks And i have many cohorts who finally stopped doing that and only then realized how little breathing room it had given them and how much drama had flown by.

Speaking from my own very naive younger self's experience, think carefully about whether you want to ruin your relationship with your friend. And one month-post-breakup is not a time when anyone is known for being particularly mature, you know?

Wait - Is It Ever Acceptable To Date Your Friend's Ex?

Also -- in all likelihood, you will end up being a rebound relationship for this woman, even if she's not doing it intentionally. Given that, I think it is especially not worth it to risk a decade-long relationship with a close friend. As others have said, if it is truly meant to be with this woman, and not a mix of lust-confusion-heartbreak-rebound-etc. This is a situation that happened to me! Though I started dating my ex's friend several months after we broke up, it has to be said. Things that helped the situation that are outside your immediate control: Which made things simpler in terms of allegations of cheating, "you dumped me to get with him", and him having any sort of moral high ground to judge who I dated after he broke up with me.

Things that we specifically did that helped the situation: I was basically like, "You know I dated X, but also here are extenuating circumstances Y that you probably don't know about, all of which means what I'm looking for right now is Z. We can't date if you're not on board with all of this.

I think it helped that my ex was able to see an organic situation developing over time rather than some kind of collusion or betrayal or anything like that. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm kind of obsessed. And I think she wants to take it to the next level, too. The problem is, my friend had a deep relationship with this girl, and I think he's still kind of in love with her. So what do I do here? Can I get away with dating my friend's ex?