And also, this is too adult for you, leave. But you need to know some rules of this sport so you can understand the metaphor. In the shortest terms, baseball is a game in which a person with the bat, called the batter, needs to hit the ball thrown at him by the opponent and then claim the bases spread around the pitch in succession. The three bases and the place where the batter is standing while hitting the ball home plate make for a rhomboid see the picture , and the claiming is done by touching the bases which are represented by white squares.
So from the home plate, the batter needs to claim the first base first by touching it, then the second, then the third before the opponents do the same by getting the ball there. If the batter returns all the way to the home plate that is called a home-run, which is also a sexual metaphor we will get to later.
So, getting bases are good, the higher the base you claim the closer you are to your goal of achieving a home-run. But I think that taking anything other than "no thanks" as an invitation to try again is a bad idea, unless in your particular subculture it is understood that the only appropriate way to reject someone is to say "no thanks. In Los Angeles or Seattle, for example, saying "no thanks" would be considered rude in itself not that people don't do it anyway.
The "right" way to reject someone in those places is to indicate that the date should happen some other time, and then make no effort whatsoever to uphold that idea. I also have to disagree with: Unless extenuating circumstances relating to your relationship with that person make is rather obvious that you don't have, or shouldn't have, any romantic interest, then it's really on the ask-er to ask in such a way that acknowledges the awkwardness.
This could be by spending half an hour talking about your wife first, or, more commonly, suggesting that the outing include both couples. If neither of you is in a couple, and your sexual orientations are aligned, and there's not a huge age difference, it is going to be really hard to get across the idea that you're not interested in anything romantic or sexual I'm a bit suspicious of this one Aren't you just about the most cross-culturally educated person on the planet? Are you sure you don't already know the answers to these questions, and you just want to watch the yanks slug it out over the differences?
My ex, who is from Honduras but went to college in the States, didn't get it either. I don't know if it's a Latin thing, a world thing, or a personal thing, but being in a predominantly ex-pat Latin scene for a couple of years definitely showed some cultural differences. I'll step in here and address the usage of the word 'date' in the verb form - I have never heard anyone American, since that's what you're asking about , male or female, say that they are 'dating' someone unless they are being coy or evasive about the nature of their relationship with said person.
A woman, when asked about a man who says "Oh, we're just dating" is saying 'I associate with him in either a quasi or explicitly romantic context, and I either don't want to admit to you or myself the nature of that association' or, 'We spend time together in a romantic context, but nothing has yet happened and I do not really know the nature of our relationship'.
If a guy, asked about the status of his relationship to a woman replies 'Well, we're dating', that means that he and said woman have not been intimate, and although he would like to be, he doesn't know if she is really interested in such. Compared to a tryst , a date is a shrivelled fruit indeed.
I've corresponded with people worldwide on this topic and believe that definitely there are differences in dating both culturally and geographically. In Big City, North America, dating has changed drastically in the past few years. There no longer is a concept of "bases". As someone from the generation under mine has said, "Your generation has bases. Mine has fucking and not fucking. As someone who's over the moon for kissing and courting, I find this very disturbing. The situation is now practically inverted.
Though no one uses the word "date" when they ask someone out, I think it's pretty common to call it that otherwise. And yes, there are many ambiguities in dating and I doubt you could get people to agree on many "steps" or "formalaties" or whatever. It's been a long time since I've been on what I thought was a date and then found out the other person didn't consider it such, but I'm sure it still happens to some people.
It can be a hellish place to be. Does inviting or accepting indicate a disposition to consider a romantic attachment with someone?
Baseball metaphors for sex - Wikipedia
It does in my book, but that may have something to do with the way I ask or am asked. It's always "clear" that that's the intention. And if the askee isn't inclined to that, they'll either decline or make a point of the lack of romantic interest with a lie: I like to go but you know I'm seeing someone, right?
I think it depends how it's communicated. When I say it, I mean it. There's nothing worse in dating than not being clear about what the fuck's going on. If you don't have an intention of going out with someone, you shouldn't say you want a rain check.
What Are the Bases in Dating?
Usually, what I do, is when someone says say such a thing, I'll say something along the lines of, "Cool. Let me know when you change you're in the mood. There've been exceptions, though. The person I've been most enamoured with has also been the person I've been most persistent with. I think a lot of people don't talk about the stuff with their partners as it's very much a "fragility" thing. People don't want to be the one to look like a fool and feeling something for someone who doesn't feel anything for you can make one feel very foolish indeed.
The smart courter, however, turns that to his or her advantage. Being smitten with someone and communicating it with humor, romance, mystery, excitement This isn't to say that there aren't some things that are better left obscured what would dating be without mystery? I've known more than one person, uncomfortable with what she was feeling, who denies those feelings both to herself and, verbally, to me. They usually go on to admit their lie years later, but "preserving the ambiguity" is pretty much at the root of it.
Some people have it down to an art. I find those least honest with themselves have the most difficulty being straight forward with others, though that may be stating the obvious.
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If anything, I've been "successful" in my dating life by wearing my heart on my sleeve. When asked what I think the best qualities a mate can have, I answer: If you can hit home runs emotionally, you'll more often do so physically. You'll also be stronger each time at bat. I don't "agree" with griffX.
One word that seems to be completely gone from dating vocabulary and which you would have heard in many American films and TV shows is the word "steady" we're going steady; he's my steady, etc. I think that's unfortunate. I like the word and it is considerably more applicable to today's dating environment than to the one that hatched it. Today, many people date many people at the same time.
They could refer to their "regular" as their "steady", but they don't. Sorry to babble, it's a topic dear to my heart. Like many non-Americans, I've always been highly confused about the semantics and the system of dating It's interesting the system of dating is mysterious to others. What is the process of courtship outside of the US? I mean, most everyone has progressed from clubbing the female over the head and dragging her back to the cave, I assume? I can't picture you bartering cows for wives, either, Miguel.
If a guy, asked about the status of his relationship to a woman replies 'Well, we're dating', that means that he and said woman have not been intimate I wouldn't say I was dating a woman until we'd been intimate; before that I'd be "kind of seeing her" or something. I didn't like online dating very much because you can spend a lot of time and energy trying to get to know someone via email or on the phone, and it doesn't really matter if you don't have chemistry in person. Until you get the two people in the same room, you can never tell.
No, I genuinely don't know. I've never had an American girlfriend, though I've often dreamt of one. Till the age of 12 - when I was moved from the Anglo-American side to the Portuguese side of the English school I went to - almost all my girlfriends were Americans. But that was as a child - nor really the same. To tell the truth, I really haven't met any American women when I wasn't with someone else I was serious with at the time, so the opportunity never arose, unfortunately.
There is no such thing as "dating" and "dates" in Europe, including the UK. You shouldn't have asked about bases.
It varies wildly even in small sections of states, never mind the whole US of A. And the bases always seemed to get redefined every two years or so from ages If real baseball were played the same way older children explained sex to us, veteran baseball players would be faced with a field where first base was a mile away and then the other three bases were within 3 feet of that. I grew up in the US, and I find the whole dating etiquette system to be ridiculously complex and formal. I've never been able to explain it adequately to a European.
- Baseball metaphors for sex.
- What Are the Bases in Dating? - Mandatory!
- What is First Base??
- !
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On the other hand, I arrived in Europe with the American idea that you have to go through an entire negotiation process when you start sleeping with someone, and it took me a long time to get used to a more spontaneous way of doing things. French doesn't even have a word for "dating", and the whole concepts of "commitment" and "relationship" don't translate very well, either.
What is Second Base
In France and Spain, the philosophy is that you sleep with someone first, and then you figure out if you want to be with them -- the direct opposite of what seems to happen in America. There's a lot less pressure to define what an affair means, and people seem to fall in and out of love more completely and quickly than in the US. The whole "bases" thing is really part of early adolescence, a way for boys to brag about their first fumbling sexual experiences when they're still virgins.
I don't know about today, but when I was a kid there was still a lot of stigma attached to girls who "went all the way", and so boys often had to settle for what they could get. I have to pipe pipe back up and add my disagreement to what dobbs and kirkaracha said in response to GriffX.
This is helpful in distinguishing the relationship from "going out," which more or less implies monogamy, although you can increase the ambiguity by saying "I've been going out with so-and-so. While she was away, I went to a party held by some of her friends, and when I met her friends who didn't yet know me, I explained my connection was that I was dating so-and-so. There had definitely already been plenty of intimacy. But she was not my girlfriend yet. I'm American, and most of my adult relationships have started that way.
And I don't think it's that uncommon, really. If you start sleeping together right away, then the point of the "dating" could no longer possibly be to lead up to the sex Funniest thing I expect I'll read today. I think I've almost never been on a "date" as I see the word. To me, a date is like an appointment to hang out with someone you don't know well, to see if you have any chemistry and then to see if you'd like to continue to see each other.
So, if you were hanging out with a guy, it was a date.