Liked as in a really really good friend that just so happened to be super attractive to me. Im not a cheater just looked at it as a bonus of my gf having good looking friends. Loved my gf to death at the time.
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Life goes on but she is now a widow. Her husband was my friend as well during this time 8 years. Now im unsure of what to do. I have consoled her recently over this time without any ill intentions but now my feelings have flared up again. Part of me says that I have no business trying to pursue a relationship because of the circumstances of me being friends with both since the beginning and with her husbands death only being 7 months old. Another part tells me I need to at least tell her how I feel regardless of how weird it could make things because I would hate to lose an opportunity to maybe have something more with her.
How soon is too soon?
Is she indicating in anyway that she is thinking about dating soon? If she is, letting that be your gauge is a plan. If you like her and she seems receptive, there is nothing inappropriate about asking her out on a real date. I want to help him as much as I can! Any advice will be good! Lots of people in the online dating world — not just widowed folk — use virtual relationships to test the waters and to feel less lonely without having to actually get involved with people in real life.
I am not saying that this is what your guy friend is doing but people who are serious about wanting to date, set up real dates and will talk about how they feel in concrete terms. I have encountered many women who think that widowers just need time, understanding, a sounding board — the list is endless — and then they will be ready to date, fall in love, commit. What their dreams and hopes are. Mostly because as women we are trained from an early age to please and adapt in order to get love. Someone who wants to move offline and have coffee?
How Soon is Too Soon to Start Dating After a Loss? - The Good Men Project
So concentrate on what you need and what is best for you and let him figure his own life out. Dating a widowed person should be like dating anyone else. Grounded in the present with a eye on the future. Never in the history of dating has any women fixed a man.
My advice is this — you are ready. Find someone who is also ready. I hate when you say that the child has no right as to how soon a widowed parent dates. From my experience, what do you think about this? My beloved mother passed suddenly and due to medical error 2 and a half years ago. My parents were happily married 34 years. During most of which I saw my father be completely goo goo over my mother,. It has had a profoundly negative effects on me and my grief recovery and I will always hate her and see his lack of ever having to deal with the death by just getting a replacement.
Dating After Death
I never could even have anyone have a loss like I did, no one to talk about it cuz they were in the honeymoon phase. And I heard them have sex one week after. I never heard my parent have sex.
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The reality, whether we like it or not, is that our parents are adults and the relationship they had with each other has nothing whatsoever to do with us. Certainly you and he should have been able to talk about how you felt but just as he has no say so in your personal life, you have no say so in his. But, this is all a done deal, right? And the only person in this scenario you have any control over is you. And see what he has to say.
My guess is that by keeping silent both your dad and his girlfriend felt that you were okay with things. They only know how you feel if you tell them. Life is far too short to hold grudges or to pass up opportunities to rebuild relationships. Thanks for your opinion I needed it from an outside perspective. And you are very fair and pleasant. My whole life is on hold for grandma.
Mind you this was my moms moms house. Ok sorry, thanks any input is welcome. Your feelings are your feelings. And you are in a stressful situation and grieving. And being a caretaker for someone with dementia is very stressful. They can be very helpful. Ultimately, having a one on one calmly with your dad is something you should consider.
At the very least, he needs to know how hurtful it is for you to hear the things his girlfriend says about you and feel that perhaps he agrees because he is not defending you. And although it might appear that your dad holds all the cards, stop and consider that you are holding down the fort, so to speak. You probably have more power than you think. It could be your father is just dating because he is lonely. Post anytime but please do think about finding a sounding board in your real life.
If for nothing other than to listen, validate and remind you that you are probably doing better than you think you are. I am 16 years old , and i was very close to my dad, he was my best friend. Anyway, I was on my moms phone a few times and every time i have it she gets a message from this guy. I decided to click on the messages and although reading them broke my heart i kept going. I get consumed with so much anger, i have tried talking to her but i dont have the guts to. Im close to her but not that close to actually talk to her about it, i guess i always trusted my dad more.
I notice that sometimes at night she sneaks out, i assume to see him. I just need someone to give me their opinion, i need someone to talk to. If your mother is younger under 40ish say , the odds go up on how soon widowed people begin to date. I can only speculate, but it appears as though your mom does not want you to know she is seeing someone. You do need someone to talk to about this.
Do you have an older sibling, friend, teacher, school counselor, aunt?
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Someone you can trust to help you decide what you should do next because you do have options. Her grief is going to be different from yours because she had a different relationship with your dad than you did. So, if you are able, you could just elect to do nothing and trust that your mom knows what she is doing and is keeping her dating under wraps to give you time. Second, you could confess. Either way, you should give some thought to finding someone you can really talk to about your feelings.
You could check with your local hospice about grief groups for teens. There are online groups and organizations too. I would start with Soaring Spirits. They mostly deal with widowed people but they have a wide network and might be able to point you in the direction of organizations for people your age. I would imagine that you are feeling let down by your mom and pretty alone given that your dad was your go-to. The first months can be quite difficult. A lot of what he had told me about past relationships now seems cloudy and I wonder whether I should give him a second chance.
I lost a lot of weight last year he did too, and now I understand that weight gain to have been related to depression and so he is aware that feeling desired by someone I am dating is a concern to me. My issue is, I was telling him I did not like where things were at right now. Then i gave it some thought, come and read your blog and 3 and I become confused all over again — he has stated very clearly he is looking for a relationship.
He had even had a year long relationship since he became a widower. Maybe you can shed some light on all this confusion I feel. I firmly believe that men who want to be in relationships are very clear both action and word-wise. Love is more reserved. Those people exist but can someone like that be a good fit for you long term?
You would need to discuss this with him and really think about it for yourself.