Sometimes, I just played it safe and went with "average. Selecting my body type shouldn't have been nearly as complicated as all that, but a warped body image can turn even the simplest task into a massive existential undertaking. The root of my anxiety was fairly standard: An obese childhood followed by a thin adulthood tainted with the struggle to always lose those last 10 pounds — all while surrounded by naturally athletic boys as a kid and impossibly fit gay-bots as a man.
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But while my own insecurities and neuroses were to blame for much of the unnecessary mental anguish that went into identifying my body type, the chronically body-obsessed environment of dating and hookup apps didn't help matters. A body-shaming tale as old as time: One need only tap around on the gay hookup app Grindr to see this script played out today, nearly 40 years later. Such would always be my cue to ghost out, sure in my belief that a mirror selfie of my belly would only be a disappointment.
When the fat-shamed becomes the shamer: One of the biggest issues with body image and online dating is that when you're dealing with your own insecurities, it's all too easy to become a hypocrite. And so I ended up rejecting probably-great guy after probably-great guy, all the while lamenting the lack of love in my life.
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It got to the point where hitting the gym seemed like the only thing I could do to a justify my own paradoxically high standards, and b feel like I was even remotely lovable. I relished the feeling of working out for a week and rewarding myself with an OkCupid profile update to "Athletic" or "Thin.
Still, even though I was in the best shape of my life, I never did build up enough confidence to send a shirtless pic. If a gay man is not 'serving body' while competing to find a trick or boyfriend in one of the more muscle-bound climates of gay culture, he will be sorely shut out.
That is why gay men don't get fat, because if they don't have pecs, guns and glutes, they're going home alone. My body type, myself: In the end, of course we should all strive to accept our bodies as they are and build up enough confidence to say "fuck it" when someone fails to reciprocate our interest on a dating app.
But that's much easier said than done. Instead of confronting our self-esteem issues head-on, it can be much easier to keep cutting the carbs and hitting the gym in hopes that the privilege of having an in-shape body will just make all our problems go away. I was in the best shape of my life when I met my boyfriend last year on OkCupid. Also would like to know the difference between slender and about average because to me it sounds like the same.
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Last edited by bebe; at I find this useless for looking for women. Each person self selects and has their own definition. I've met and known people that put curvy and theyre thin with a nice behind, and people that say about average and they're 50 overweight. I just don't even use that filter it is so useless.
But I'll give my description since I have some down time. Originally Posted by timberline Originally Posted by Hivemind I feel the same way. Between the differences in interpretation and the flat out lies, it's useless as a filter. I've seen men put "a few extra lbs" when they were clearly obese, so a few seems to mean more than a few.
This is why I think it's important that people have at least one photo on their profile that gives an idea about what the person's body looks like. Some people don't care about that I don't for the most part but some do. Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving. Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut.
Choosing My Body Type on OKCupid Forced Me to Look at Myself — This Is What I Saw
Yeah, if there's a full body picture with the person wearing something other than a parka, then the description isn't really necessary. Maybe it's meant to be a test of how the person see's himself or herself? Originally Posted by bebe Totally agree, I've seem male profiles where the guy is at least pounds overweight with the body type description of a "few extra pounds", that's why Im under the impression that people who are pounds overweight won't use "few extra pounds" because most people will take it as meaning obese. Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum.