We're not trying to harm you here, we are trying to help you to help yourself. Zombie Send a private message. Let her go dude. You missed your chance with her a long time ago, and she doesn't sound like that great a partner alcoholic, severe depression. You can do better and it's not healthy to dwell on her. It doesn't change anything. She's got a drinking problem and untreated mental health issues.
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Attaching yourself to her will only make your own issues worse. Think about it, you're depressed. Do you really need the knowledge that your GF is an alcoholic added to the list of things that can bring you down or cause you to worry? You can't save her and like someone drowning she'll drag you down with her. Being with her if she is even interested in that isn't going to make you happy in the long run. The idealized notion of her that you have won't last in the harsh light of the real world. Dude I am not on meds for my issues if that is what you mean by untreated.
So I fail to see how that is a problem. I stopped the meds as I found they made my problems worse and have been dealing with day by day. She was doing great till she moved back. I think the stress of that and looking for a job got to her. I think she will get better but she needs to be free of some bad influences some of her friends were who got her into drinking and were buying her drinks.
Probably more then she needed. And hell I grew up with a sister with bipolar I know how mental illness is and how to handle it. Edited on February 2, at If you took offense that wasn't my intent. My point is and was that, her problems will make your problems worse, not better. Dude I take mental health issues seriously.
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Like I said grew up with a sister with bipolar and I know how bad it can affect someone. Trust me when I say what she is going through is nothing compared to what my sister was like 10 years ago. I get she has mental health issues and I have known for years. So do I before this stuff happened we were helping each other out with it when she she was in Texas. I get the stress of the move and and job search and having no way to contact people like me probably is what is causing this.
I get massive anxiety attacks from the old job I just quit so I could focus on school. Been there done that and I can tell you that my feeling is that it will not proceed any further then friends, if even that is salvage. Can't wish upon rainbows, man.. If she wanted it to happen, it would be happening. Her excuse was just that, a way to let you down easy, it was not as the movie quote goes code for, "try harder". Flip it and think about how you would let down a women friend that you had no interest in. Hurts, but you have to accept that, go through whatever you have to, and move on.
There will be other loves in your life. Well for the letting a girl down I would not be saying we can discuss this when I get back or even agreeing that you are ok to go on a date. I would tell her I am not interested. She never did that. She did the above. I was making a point as to how people let others down, not the exact wording.
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- In love with best friend but she just started dating someone else. Any advice??
Regardless of how you do it, that is how she did it, that is how a great many women do it. You need to stop searching for excuses and look at the reality here. You also need to learn from this, and next time you have feelings for a woman, act on them when you have them. But how could I when she was not in the country? Has she been out of the country for 8 years? Guy, I'm trying to help you here. You need to let it go. Actually she was for a time previously of around a year and when disappeared for a bit it was nearly 2 years.
She disappeared due to a massive depression and did not want anyone to see her, We reconnected back she was on this current Texas trip that lasted longer then planned. Every time she was supposed to come back a delay would happen. The other 2 years at first were were working the same job and then she quit and we would occasionally hang out but we could never really get a chance to hang out too much as I was working nights but we would talk all the time.
She disappeared right when I was about to ask her out at that time. During that entire time I was not pinning for her. The feelings came back like 6 months after we reconnected. Edited on January 31, at DoctorDoom Send a private message. The best way to get out of the friendzone is to never put yourself in the friendzone to begin with. You are more than a day late, and more than a dollar short. Live and learn - next time you meet a woman of potential romantic interest - don't befriend her - FLIRT with her Maybe she wont feel it - but it sure better than wasting 8 years of your life pining for someone you had mislead about your intentions because you were too gutless to make a move.
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I did try and make a move after we reconnected after not talking for 2 years. She said she didn't want a long distance relationship and we talk about when she got back. But her trip back kept getting delayed and then this happened. I made a move about 10 months after we started talking again more so 8 as was it was the occasional email at first which itself 6 months after I got over my ex. I was also flirting with her the entire time after I got over ex. Nicholas Send a private message. Man, I am really feeling for you right now.
It seems so unfair doesn't it? That your crush could so easily overlook you - and for a jerk no less…. Does this story sound familiar to anyone else besides me? You are learning a hard lesson right now. This has made it easy for him to skirt responsibility here.
This situation will require you to be honest with him and more importantly, with yourself and be firm in setting boundaries. Life is hard, but it's better when you're not alone. Sign up for our newsletter and get our Self-Care and Solidarity eBook just because we love you! Skip to main content. He is the first person I want to tell things to when something happens, and the person I want to hang out with the most. Really don't know what to do! I need your help! You Might Also Like: Obscurity is not serving you well here. The first thing that needs to happen is an open and honest conversation.
The information within Ask Erin should in no way be interpreted as medical advice because I'm not a medical professional. But I am here to help — to share with you the wisdom I've gained after years of making mistakes. As always, your anonymity is golden. Leave this field blank. If you like this article, please share it! Your clicks keep us alive! Depending on the situation, your friend may understand and step aside. Prepare yourself for things to go poorly if you choose to be honest. While everything may work out, you also run the risk of losing a friend and still not being able to date your crush.
Remember to be sensitive to their feelings as well as your own in your decision. Remember that you have value.
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Find an outlet for your feelings. Find an outlet that you can use to safely express your feelings without any social fallout or embarrassment. Get your feelings out in words to help you better understand and cope with them.
If you feel like you need to cry, you should. Letting it out can make you feel much better and release tension that has built up throughout your interactions with your friend and crush. Dancing, exercising, drawing or any number of other things can serve as a creative way to express your emotions. Keep trying until you find one that fits you.