Dating Your Friend's Ex
The relationship lasted for about 6 months I think and years later, I've come to realize how silly and stupid I was for having the reaction I did. I think, "My ex is dating my friend" is very common, especially if you live in the suburbs, where everyone knows everyone. If you find yourself in this situation, here are some tips on how to handle it and how to keep from going insane:.
What they are doing is really uncool and unacceptable. YOU have done nothing to warrant their behavior. Their relationship is working because of the "scandalous and forbidden" element.
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That's half the fun for them. When that wears off, and everyone in the community moves on to the next piece of gossip, and your ex and your friend really get to know each other, the appeal will fade. He or she could be doing this to you to act out his or her passive aggressive anger. How sick is that?
Wait - Is It Ever Acceptable To Date Your Friend's Ex?
Don't even put yourself into that venom. Remove yourself from it and rise above. Grit your teeth, accept it, act classy and show grace to the outside world. I remember people in my neighborhood would tell me they saw them out and I would seriously cringe, and then go home and cry. The people weren't trying to be cruel, by the way. Make sure not to react in front of others because it could get back to your ex and your friend I mean, your ex friend. Plus, when the relationship ends, the only thing people will remember is how you reacted.
DO NOT make a scene and get into a girl fight with the girl. It's unproductive, psychotic and immature. You don't' have to be overly friendly to your ex and your friend. In fact, if you are a little icy that's okay. Just don't go postal. Call your REAL girlfriends.
MORE IN LIFE
The fact that this girl did this to you is probably making you feel insecure about girl friendships. Tell her you want to plan a surprise party with your brother. Just get two hours to chill out with her, and see whether your perceived chemistry is a real thing -- if you have the kind of bubbly, clicky conversation that we all dream about. If so, and if you still want to go ahead, then you have to take the painful next step.
Yes, tell your friend that you plan to ask her sister out. But be aware that your friend might freak out, throw a drink in your face, put you in a triangle choke, and spend all night writing your name in his blood on the wall of his holding cell after he gets arrested. Or he could be totally cool with it. But there are some nasty possibilities here. Now, just ask her out, like you would any other woman. Which is to say, suggest alcohol at a time and place, without apology, hesitation, or further explanation.
Time to move on. But if you do: Just be honest, forthright, and remember that oral sex is your responsibility, too. By all means, engage her in discussion about it if she brings it up. You get a new and even prettier girlfriend, or hang out with your friends more, or get into jiu jitsu or knitting.
You get a new life so you don't spend all your time sitting around and crying about your old one like the baby you are. Sure, people will talk about their old relationships and say that they're "over it" or that it "wasn't meant to be," or pepper you with other related nonsense phrases, but what they mean is they're not thinking about it right now.
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All of those old wounds stick around, just waiting to be re-opened. You're always going to feel weird when you see your ex, at least a little bit. If you're still friends with your ex , it wasn't that serious, or it's still serious. And, if you date your friends' ex, you're telling your friend that your romantic feelings are more important than their happiness. Because they're going to see you holding hands with their ex, and remember how nice that felt, and if you think they won't envision you having sex together, you're being naive.
Of course, that's going to hurt. Inherently, it's a selfish thing. You're saying, "screw you and your silly emotions, I've got to get laid. Does this mean you should never, ever date a friend's ex? It means that it's a bad idea, but that's not the same as "never do it. It's possible that you've got an uncommon romance on your hands. Maybe this is your future wife, or muse, or whatever it is that you're looking for.
If this is the case, you'd be missing out on years of potential passion if you passed up on this girl for the sake of sparing your friends' feelings. Like I said, this is a tough one. You've got a hell of a decision to make. Accordingly, you should treat this like any other important decision, which is to say that you should get as much information as possible. First, be real with yourself.
Is this girl really special to you? Is there actually an uncommon reaction between you — some sort of deep compatibility that's worth alienating your friend for? Or is she just an attractive person who finds you attractive, too?