Men are creatures who live their lives in a compartmentalized fashion. Think of a man as an unfinished house. The foundation has been built, and he is working on building the first floor. Yes, he has thought about the upstairs and mapped out the six bedrooms, lounge and office I am in Beverly Hills, darling!
Maybe he will go up there to have a beer or tinker around a bit, but even if he begins to build up and decorate the upstairs rooms, he will eventually have to go back downstairs and finish what he started.
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Maybe he has just got a promotion at his finance job? This is good news. His app just got 1 million downloads? Go on that second date. I am not encouraging you to be a gold digger or discriminate against men with lower incomes … on the contrary. The amount of money he is making is not my concern. Success is relative to the career he chooses. If a man is not yet at the top of his field, he needs to feel as though he is working toward that goal and that it is in sight before entering a happy, healthy relationship.
Ask a Guy: Dating a Guy with Financial Problems
He has been told from an early age he will be the provider of his future family, the bread winner, and he needs to utilize his resources and work hard. Eventually he will be able to live the lifestyle he desires. Boys are taught early on their most important duty is to support their families. Women also, of course, have an urge and desire to have fabulous careers, follow their dreams and support their families, but many men move forward with their careers without relying on the potential support of their future partners. While I am the first woman to agree I love flying private and consider shopping a therapeutic exercise my office is a few blocks from Rodeo Drive … can you blame a girl?
If a man is in the proper mindset to enter into a relationship, depending on his industry and chosen profession, he will have a certain amount of disposable income that he will be able to utilize during the courting process. Notice how the man you are dating treats the dating process.
Would you date someone who has no money?
If a man is not yet wealthy, all is not lost, but he needs to step it up in other aspects of his wooing. He may not be able to bring you on an all expenses paid vacation to Saint Tropez, but he can treat you to a picnic at the local park or stargazing at the planetarium.
Any man whom you date, rich or poor, must make the effort to take you out on planned, lovely dates. And he grew up essentially on a hippie commune, so for him, this lifestyle has always been the norm and the expectation. And this of course intoxicated my college-self, and his indomitable spirit and joy for life are what keep me so in love with him.
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But this would mean that I would have to support my husband, more or less, and would have to cut out a lot of my financial plans. As an adult, I want a partner who is committed to the same things financially, and wants to be a high earner as well so that we could both share the responsibilites of our professional and personal lives.
I know that with him I will have the sole, unerring pressure of being the breadwinner forever. But I love him, madly. What do I do?
In the meantime, if I could say one thing up-front, it would be: Feminism is not about living some perfect life dictated by a Gender Studies professor, according to outdated or reversed gender roles. So the sooner you can stop beating yourself about that part of the question, the better.