Sex with an ex in his little brother's bed. A bloody first time with a virtual stranger. The inadvertent taking of virginity. Each is as cheery as it is awkward.
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The following responses have been lightly edited. Subjects' names have been changed. Like many young ladies, I went off to college a little more demure than some of my friends.
I had boyfriends in high school, but I had never looked a penis directly in the face. It was harder to meet people in college, though, so when I went home for winter break freshman year, I decided just to get it over with and lose my virginity to a guy there — preferably a boy I never had to see or talk to again, which would be a relief to me. Late one night I got a text from Jack, a guy I had worked with at my shitty retail job the previous summer.
We would flirt all the time, but had never seen each other socially, or at all outside work for that matter. We made plans to meet up later that night.
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He picked me up and tossed me onto his bed, which I found to be hot, and tried to suck various pieces of flesh from my body, which I found to be aggressively un-hot. He pulled down not off my panties and shoved his whiskey-dick into and around my vagina. I wasn't sure he was doing it correctly, having had no point of comparison, but it didn't matter -- less than two minutes later, it was over.
I went into the bathroom and peed, and saw, to my horror, a toilet bowl and a piece of toilet paper that couldn't keep a secret. It was like I'd gotten my period, but I knew I wasn't due for another couple weeks.
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I came out of the bathroom mortified and apologized for having bled on him. He said, "Oh, that's OK, I fell down a lot as a kid and I've gotten really good at getting blood out of my clothes. There was this guy, Adam, that I was friends with since I was In college, we stopped talking, but one year, after I had just broken up with my boyfriend, Adam texted me to see if I was in town.
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I was incredibly depressed about the breakup and figured having sex with someone would make me feel better. I asked Adam if he wanted to meet up and he said yes. We smoked pot and had terrible conversation-- not like we usually had. We got along great before I decided to be gross. Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to have sex while he was talking about his dad having a stroke. It was a pretty bad time to ask that, but I was totally and blindly selfish at that moment.
He said that he'd been waiting for this moment since he was 14 so he was definitely down. He was really into being told what to do so I ordered him to go down on me. I also ordered him to turn out the lights and keep his clothes on so I could maybe imagine him as anyone other than Adam. When he went down on me it felt creepy. He said, "You have a lot of hair Laura. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, there's just A lot of it. One time in college, during winter break, I met a guy on Grindr who I learned was my former AP European history teacher's son.
He was just a year younger, but I never saw him in high school, only heard her talk about him and never gave a thought to the fact that he may attend the same school. And let me tell you something about my period: That shit shows up with a vengence and makes no apologies.
After I clean myself up I creep back in to the bedroom to assess the damage. I grab my things and I bolt.
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My phone had died in the night so I plug it in. A text comes through from the dude: Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter. In general, if she is interested, she will make it very easy for you.
If it feels forced, she's not interested. For example, let's say she's over to watch a movie. You sit on the couch: Chair on the other side of the room? Other end of the couch? Yeah, add drinks into the equation. Enough to lower both parties' inhibitions. If anything is going to happen, it'll happen then. It'll be an icebreaker, and further fooling around won't need the liquid courage component.
Invite her out to do something platonic and fun. At some point, look her in the eyes and smile. Most likely, this will make you blush.
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This is fine, as women generally consider that charming. If she starts flirting at this point, she's into it. Signs of flirting include: At this point, you are golden. I think going to one of your places and watching a movie is a totally acceptable thing. So is smoking weed and watching youtube. So is dancing or "clubbing", if that's your style. Inviting her back to your place for some such an activity after a night out with friends might provide the right atmosphere.
Honestly, I like the movie-watching plus "want to make out? Think about how awkward things will be if she's not into you and you're all over her and she has to disengage. Frankly, I had that happen to me and I hated it. Also, I'd say that as soon as possible after the initial making-out you should say something along the lines of "you're great and I'd like to keep doing this, but I figure I should tell you that I'm not looking for anything super-serious".
Because in this age of hook-ups, it sure seems like one person often is under the illusion that a real relationship is on offer when it's not, and that tends to be a buzzkill for everyone. There's really no need to ask your friends for additional information regarding her interest. The only thing you need to know is whether YOU are interested.
If you are, spend time with her. Touch her shoulder or hand when the mood strikes, like when you're both laughing about an embarrassing sweater you used to have. Have good conversation over good food. I think having a drink or two is fine, but getting drunk is ultimately boring, as would be intoxication on any mood-altering substance. At some point during one of your long conversations, both of you will fall silent.
There won't be anything to say, and your mutual desire will be right there in front of you both. That's the time to kiss. Learning the how and when of making a first move is something you can learn. When I was in my early twenties I hadn't even dated. As a side-note, women who once rejected me some times come back after many years hello Facebook! So make your move. Besides getting practice and getting lucky, you might be laying the foundation for a future get-together. You will know if you have a green light. Get some wine, a movie, and a comfortable couch.
If shes close to you and up against you, thats one green liight. I personally have missed signals before. This girl and I were watching a movie drinking. Laying on the couch she was scooting right up next to me and had her head on my chest.
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A little bit of grinding on her part was a green light. She also gave me one of those sexy looks with her eyes. I was totally oblivious and missed out. That boat sailed, along with an opportunity I really wanted to partake in.