What do you say when you message someone on a dating site

Online dating gives you a bit of an advantage in that you can strategically plan that first message so it hits home with a bit of a punch.

Unlike an everyday face to face meeting where the words just tumble from your mouth in no apparent order. So why is it that so many guys and girls yes girls too fail miserably in avoiding the move from the Inbox to the trash can? Extensive research into online dating statistics show that there are some set rules that we all need to follow.

Netspeak is the main culprit when it comes to unsuccessful first mails. The words if you can call them that ur, r, u, ya, cant, hit, realy, luv, and wat, are the top nine worst words to use in an opening message.

Mails that contain these words will get practically no replies proving that intelligence or maybe just good grammar is an attractive trait in both sexes. Surprisingly, though, ha ha and lol were considered ok to use.

3 ways to say hello to someone online

Perhaps this is because using both these terms shows a sense of humour, another trait many seek in a partner. But hehe , while still effective tends to sound a bit like a supervillain. Now it might seem strange to say that after we just told you to use correct grammar, but messages that start off with Hello or Hi come across as run of the mill and perhaps a bit boring. So while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using slang or an unusual greeting is considered a great move.

You could always spruce it up a bit and go with a foreign greeting, but make sure you know what it means otherwise you could come off looking like a bit of a Del boy. While everybody enjoys compliments on their looks, focusing too much on physical looks seems to imply shallowness. Messages using words like beautiful and sexy will more often than not end up getting deleted immediately. Better to focus on interests, or even better, common interests.

Talking about your own interests can give the recipient a good idea of what you are like. Nothing starts a conversation quicker than a question, so do yourself a huge favour and simply ask one.

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Identify the common ground between you and the recipient. So, why not bring that up? Are you enjoying being on a dating site? Finding common ground is great, but an even better approach is to identify something specific in their profile that you find interesting. Just hone in on one that you share or would like to share!

Do you have any favorite spots?

The eagle-eyed among you will have noticed a common thread in these messages — they ask questions. Yes, your first online message is a chance to show your best side, but the way to do that is to flatter the recipient by asking them about their opinions and take on the world. After all, most people secretly love talking about themselves! For the best results, you can even combine all three tips — find common ground, personalize it, and make it a question. Have you got any recommendations? The conversation ball is now in their court, and you want to wait for them to hit it back before you try and send another message.

Once they do of course, game on! Try these tips to keep the online dating conversation going.

First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs

So, they loved your opening line, and you two really do have a common interest. Dive a little deeper and start building a bond based on that shared enthusiasm. I do love Netflix documentaries! My favorites are always the ones where they try and solve some sort of crime or mystery.

Have you seen it? My sister will be pleased someone has succeeded; she actually has a place up near Napa, so lives for stories about wine and keeps telling me to watch. But enough about my family. Or have you always been based in this part of California? Stunning part of the state, you must tell me more about it.

A word of caution though — the nature of online messaging means that things like tone and emphasis can be easily misconstrued, and what you intended as breezy can come across sleazy. The Beach Boys, those Napa Valley wines, and yes, the sunshine. You do seem to fit in that category — because, like them, you seem like you could spread happiness wherever you go. Flirty back-and-forths are a great way to build rapport and write the kind of online dating messages that get responses.