So you jumped the gun and thought that you need to date her. There are more than 4 billion women out there and even if you have 37 criteria for women, you would still find at least 50 girls that are you just like that one. Consider if you want a relationship only because there is nobody else right now or because you truly care for this person. You will waste your and her time as well and you will both end up hurt from this. When was the last time you had sex before this person came along?
If you just quit your job and you are building a start-up which requires hour work days with days on the road, then you should think about the time needed for a relationship to work. Take a long, hard look at your lifestyle and see if you can turn a hookup which requires less time into a relationship which requires a hell of a lot more.
When you are building a relationship, you want it to have some sort of a future. You want to know that there is a certain future you two can share together. But for you to know, understand and see that, you need the dual approval. We have already discussed the perils of the Honeymoon phase on deciding to turn a hookup into a relationship. You need to both feel emotionally right for the other person and also logically assess how you two would work out. You can have the biggest hots for a girl and have mind-blowing sex, but she is a drug addict which stole your TV last time she was in your apartment.
She is a hedge-fund manager with her own life and autonomy, a great apartment, smoking hot body and no daddy-issues as an emotional baggage. But there is absolutely no chemistry between you two.
Do both my mind and my heart say yes to turning this hookup into a relationship? If you have gone through this checklist and decided that you truly want to date this hookup then continue reading the article. You will find 10 simple pieces of advice on how to turn a hookup into a relationship.
A real connection is about making a mere physical thing like a hookup into an emotional ride with sincerity, vulnerability and deep affection for the person. I could write for days and hours on how to make a real connection and I have, you can check it out here , but what I would suggest you here is a movie. A girl likes nothing more than to get a drunken text at 1 a.
Joke aside, if you want to date this girl and you do , then you should make plans with her for more activities then a booty call. Rule of thumb here is to take small, incremental steps instead of giants leaps. So you got her out of the horizontal position to somewhere where you two can talk. What to talk about? Address the elephant in the room because it will probably be awkward in the beginning.
Take the lead and start talking about relationships in general and how they simplify life, what their meaning is and how great they are when you find a great person. You will notice how she acts, feels, and reacts to this topic so you adjust to her. Ask the things that reveal her character to you. That is how you will deepen the relationship you two have, move it from only physical to emotional and convey to her that you are interested in her. And by interested, I mean not just in her physique, but also her brains, emotions, and life.
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Keep on calibrating your approach to the questions and make it a conversation, not an interrogation. We are starting the sail at Can you make it? You have a boat? Business was going good so I got myself one last year.
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And the conversation could continue in so many different ways, all beneficial for you if you used the second approach. Instead of telling her how cool, brave, rich, smart, reliable you are, simply show her that through your lifestyle. Simply live your life as you live it per usual and simply show her that. You can simply take her to your favorite coffee shop where the staff treats you like family, or invite her over for a movie where she can see the pictures from your travels on your apartment walls. When she sends you a message or demands that you talk to her, invest time in her and in general be available to her, you need to chill out a bit and not respond immediately.
Because you have just shown her your cool life and now, she is hooked on you and she wants to get to you know you more.
What To Do When You Want to Date a Hookup - Guy Counseling
If you take a ball of string and tease the cat with it, holding it so close but yet out of the reach, she will constantly jump around to take it, thus keeping itself interested in it. If the cat gets the ball, she will play with it for a while but then lose interest. So by making yourself there, but a bit out of reach, she will simply want you more. This basically means that she should know that you have other girls in your life and that other girls want your time. You can use social media effectively for this by showing off with other girls via Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat.
Brand of any company is a perceived value and you as a guy can have the same thing. We want more of the things we perceive valuable and if other people want it to, then the perceived value of the item grows.
40 Signs He Wants A Long Term Relationship Vs. He Just Wants To Hookup
So the more women want you, the more value you will appear to have. Ok, you are a busy guy with an amazing lifestyle and a lot of girls around you. If you make her feel this important in your life by making her your world for the next one or four hour, you will get yourself a great girlfriend.
Wow, what a boring movie… I mean person. And that is the same reason why you must stop having sex. First off there are hormones that are released during sex, that lingers for women for days on in. Those hormones can cloud your judgment see my blog here on love, lust, and infatuation. Once you clear your mind you can see things for what they really are and IF you even want to be in a relationship with him.
When I decided to be celibate see my blog here I told the story of me being in a situation with a man for two years and it was only when I stopped hooking up with him that I saw him for what he was. Also when you stop having sex, you will gauge how he feels about you. If you stop having sex with him and he no longer wants to see you, talk to you, or have any interaction with you what so ever.
Then stop the chase. To stop having sex means do not go over his house, no booty calls, do not let him come over your house, and do not put yourself in any sort of situation that will make you accidentally slip up and have sex see my blog on dating and not having sex. No spending the night, none of that. That means that all he has to do is wait for a bit, knowing that eventually you will give in. So while you think you are getting to know each other he is still just using you for sex and giving you slight conversation as a trade to get what he really wants.
To have sex with you. If he is interested he will keep seeing you and talking to you, without it. Dating is the key to formulating a relationship. It allows you to get to know each other in an outside setting to determine if you are even compatible.
Through dating, you will also get to determine his interest in you and your interest in him. First you want to ask the right questions on a date see my blog here. Determining if you want to be in a relationship, with this person, outside of sex is your priority and you still need to get to know this person and find out what they are about just like they need to get to know you and find out what you are about.
Big red flags that say you need to walk away from this situation include that he will not go on a date in public with you at all, that he stands you up on dates, or puts little or no effort on the date. You order separately and pay for your own meal. That is really showing you how little he thinks of you and how little he wants to date you or get to know you as he cannot even pay for you to have a cheese burger off the dollar menu.
Read between the lines.
And that is sex. Not to get to know you as a person or possibly be with you. So if through this process of trying to date and get to know one another he has an unwillingness to do that or put forth the minimum effort when trying to date, then let it go and you know that your hookup cannot be a relationship. It will be really hard for you to go from hookup to relationship if you continue to do hookup behavior.
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And hookup behavior is making your relationship all about sex when you are trying to show him that you want more than sex. Falling into the same patterns of making everything sexual will just enforce in his mind once again to just see you as sex and when he needs sex that is all you have to offer. If a man starts to talk to you about sex then redirect the conversation and start talking to him about something else, a real conversation. Red flags to look for is if you try to not talk about sex and he wants to stop talking to you, end the conversation, or redirect the conversation back to sex.
That is a clear indication that your hookup situation cannot be turned into a relationship because he is not interested in doing so. Have you ever heard of the saying that space makes the heart grow fonder? Well that is what this tip is all about, just to see if his affection will grow for you or if it is even there.. Mistakes that women make is that they tend to think that if a man is sleeping with you, having sex with you, and being intimate with you that they somehow care about you.
But that is not true, men will entertain you because they are bored and because they want sex. So never mistake him calling you for interest in you.