This makes me happy to see because of the high rate of teen pregnancies, which often disproportionately affect the girls' futures and not their partners'. She said if her parents found out they would kill her not literally of course. Even for foreigners staying in the larger, more progressive cities, you will still come across many gender-segregated hostels where only married couples may share a room and you would be strongly advised against any sort of public display of affection above and beyond holding hands in many areas, even that would be ill-advised.
If they pass either age limit, they are put under a lot of pressure to marry the first person their parents bring to them. My poor not yet year old host sister has faced an extraordinary amount of pressure from her parents to marry before her birthday in October. It begins to sound like the plot of any Jane Austen novel when she tells me about the blind dates her parents arrange on her behalf to try and set her up with one of their well-mannered acquaintances' sons.
One is younger than her and the other is her age. The younger one is less responsible a playboy, by the sounds of it.
The one her age, a doctor who wants to marry closer to 30, has been invited to the house multiple times. This would be an interesting form of compromise for my sister if it came to pass that her parents allowed her to wait because the man she chose is not yet ready for marriage either. I admire her strength of will, now more than ever, for she is very adamant that she will, at least, chose who she will marry and has probably gamed the system if she's picked a respectable guy who wants to wait. This is what I have gathered from my religiously-conservative circle of family and friends.
I teach at an Islamic high school run by the Ministry of Religious Affairs. My host dad works under this same department. She is highly respected in a surprisingly wide circle as an exemplary Muslim.
This is why the experience of having an Indonesian Muslim boyfriend in this strictly date-to-marry culture has been a very difficult and humbling one. I had the summer, with many free hours, to fall into a blissfully ignorant happiness with a Bandung local a city about 2 hours from mine.
Dating In Indonesian: Here’s What Foreigners Need To Know
He lived with my host family from February until June in order to search for a job in Karawang and get practical experience through an internship in a mechanics shop. I have admired my host mom, Umi, mostly from a distance during the entire time I've been living here. My host dad is around so little he works in Bandung that it has been difficult to develop a meaningful relationship with him. Umi too, is a very busy woman.
I would see her come home, still full of energy after six hours at the office, eat a simple lunch of rice and seafood, and then go straight back out to run the next-door elementary school or back into town to lecture from the Quran. Umi presided over this study group until she basically dropped off to sleep right on the floor. The children would file out sometime between 8 and 9 and that is when our house winds down for the day. Umi and Abi have really taken the Islamic tenant of charity into their hearts and it shows in every aspect of their lives. When I first arrived in their house, they had adopted four children in addition to their three biological children who were already older and living out of the house.
They live simply but above the average in my neighborhood and donate their time and money to many causes whenever they can. I sometimes forget to recognize the wonderful opportunity I have living with these truly good people. I do not say that they are truly good just because of their devoutness but because they exemplify all the best traits of human beings.
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For many months I mainly thought of how the evening Quran study group affected my schedule - listening to 20 kids shouting kids will be kids verses at the top of the lungs for three hours at the end of the day was not something I looked forward to and did my best to try to block out. But at this point I respect my host mom all the more for it.
I have had several host family experiences since I was 18, although none as long as my current one.
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There is a difference between being a guest and living with a host family. As a guest you are usually only expected to honor your hosts and be somewhat sociable. But if you stay long enough to build a relationship with your hosts and enter their routine, then you are no longer a guest. Guest culture is very important in Javanese culture. My counterpart and host sister have told me that it is also extremely important in Islamic culture.
I told her I usually just go around to the unlocked door in the back but she insisted we should stay until someone opened the door. When one of the kids finally came to unlock the door she spent a full 20 minutes yelling them into stony silence about the importance of always opening up your home to guests.
15 Indonesian Dating Cultures #True Asian Habit Relationships
Even though it was technically her family's home, they were present in the house at the time when someone needed to come in. I am no longer a guest, in the same way that I am no longer just the American living down the street. I greet guests when they come to the house — sometimes alone if my host family is out. But ultimately, my relationship with my host parents grew tense and they became very anxious every time I went out of the city, even for Peace Corps appointments or events with other friends. In the end, my host mother gave me a simple answer: Although marriage may seem an important goal for many Indonesians, expats and foreigners who marry in Indonesia are bound by certain legal agreements.
Prenuptial agreements which decide what happens should the marriage dissolve are a necessary step for protection of assets.
15 Indonesian Dating Cultures #True Asian Habit Relationships - www.thelongevityrevolution.com
Expats should also keep in mind Indonesian law currently does not allow foreigners to own freehold property. In the event a local partner was to die, foreign partners are required to sell the property to another Indonesian citizen within 12 months. Data shows that 43 percent of Indonesian women between the age of 18 years old to 34 years old still live with their parents and many will tell you how important family is in their lives.
Unlike in the West, an invitation to meet the family of a local partner can mean more than a casual family dinner. Likewise, the approval — or lack of it — from family can make or break a relationship. Foreigners and expats should also keep in mind that Indonesians value loyalty to family and that loyalty shapes reputations.
Family units are likely to make big decisions together and respect the advice of older members. Premarital sex in the West is now considered the norm, but the same cannot be said of Indonesians. While engaging in sexual activity is not uncommon , it is likely partners would want to keep it hidden. When dating Indonesians, foreigners should keep in mind that a sexual rejection does not necessarily mean they are not into the relationship.
With most Indonesians possessing rhesus-positive blood type, those looking to have children together best conduct medical research as rhesus plays a significant role in the safety of babies. So, for first-time pregnancies, rhesus incompatibility does not affect the child. It is recommended couples seek medical advice. Sharon Hambali is a writer and editor at Content Collision. She covers a variety of issues related to news and business. See her portfolio at sharonhambali.
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