I used to take the coward's way out of this one; I would initiate 'pints' via Facebook — under the guise of being matey and, by being sufficiently laddish, bringing the 'date' into safer territory. Needless to say, this 'bromance' approach didn't ever work out, except in the rare instances where it worked out for one night only.
10 Online Dating Rules for Women by Ellen Fein
Instead of being a lad about it, ring him. He's less likely to say 'no' if he doesn't have to chicken out with a written reply. You can stun him with your charm and rapier wit on the date itself. A call after midnight is known by one name and one name only: All emails, instant messages and texts sent during the witching hour mean that your man is fishing for sexy time.
Nothing wrong with a man looking for a good time in the small hours, but it's his demeanour during daylight hours that dictates how you should respond. If he's strictly giving it the whole 'whatcha doin'?
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Or rather, Dutch friskiness. Friending a guy you like on Facebook is a no-no, while it is standard practice to wait 24 hours to confirm a friend request from a man you like. Even more importantly, referring him on Facebook — via tagging, writing on his wall, and so on — is strictly forbidden. You know the sort of girl on Facebook who comments on every picture their paramour puts up, sends lovey-dovey messages publicly on his wall, and pretty much overshares everything in the hope of catching her man's eye? Don't be that girl. For the love of your budding relationship, and for the love of all humankind.
Our authors insist that a Skype date is not a date proper.
Fine if you are in a relationship and hoping to keep the embers burning, but not so much if it's your primary method of communication. I'm in agreement on this one. A Skype date is the lazy guy's way of keeping you on the call sheet. If he is not taking you out to dinner, or moving mountains to see you face to face, a couple of hours in front of the computer screen mean precious little.
The biggest rule to keep in mind when online dating is that he contacts you first. Women don't chat men up on online dating sites, and certainly don't respond to winking — or some other cowardly, non-committal device.
10 ONLINE DATING RULES FOR WOMEN
If you don't want to be in any doubt of how interested he is, wait for him to make the first move. What they've failed to mention here is that most men take a 'numbers game' approach to online dating. They hunt for fresh meat and reckon that the more women they hit up — often indiscriminately — the better their chances of striking gold. Don't look on a mail from a potential online paramour as something other than him panning for dates. Sure, the unspoken rules state that he makes the first move, but he'll be grateful and intrigued that you broke protocol.
In case of breakdown, Fein and Schneider are fans of the 'ejector seat' approach. Sure, you may be sending out a less-than-ideal message: I have a multitude of issues with my boyfriend and am feeling very stuck and unsure about what to do. My boyfriend is 33, I'm At the beginning of our relationship we had enough sex to satiate me. Now it's been three months and there is nothing. Not only is there no sex but there isn't even any hugs, kisses or touching. I am disgusted by the encouragement of deceit throughout.
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The entire book is about pretending not to be interested, whether or not you are. I recognize and very much resent that the concept of working the Rules is accurate - meaning it is human nature to want what you can't have, so a female tends to up her stock by appearing to be unavailable. It is disturbing how many women have to pretend to have a self I have a work friend who keeps giving me her "Rules" books to read, so I read to oblige.
The Rules for Online Dating
I have no problem with practicing a lot of what the Rules say, but it's my natural inclination anyway - not to pounce on communication I get that includes men and women. I think I wrote in my last review, I think this book would be particularly useful and helpful for women who have a tendency to be doormats and women who are high-maintenance.
I just dislike the pretense of it all. There's an awful lot of dishonesty and deception - lots of tips about making stuff up.
Digital Dating: The new rules - www.thelongevityrevolution.com
Why must you lie about everything? Why can't you just say you have made other plans - whatever those plans may be? Personally, I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who can't even tell the truth about the smallest things. If it's all about saving their face, I'm not interested. Again there are ways not to be desperate and needy without having to lie or spill your guts about your entire past.
Morals of any kind are pretty well skipped over. Occasionally the authors say, "It's just not right," but that's about it. This really bothers me as well.
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Ever since she and Sherrie Schneider began weekly meetings in a Chinese restaurant years ago, lamenting their dating woes and discussing their friends' relationships, the two have been formulating and formatting their rules for dating that have now become so popular. Since the success of the first book, there have been several spin-offs, adaptations, and parodies of The Rules, written by other authors, but none have garnered the attention of the original. Get our latest book recommendations, author news, and competitions right to your inbox.
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