And that you can have your cake and eat it too — in most instances, you can have sex all you like. The UOAA also put together some fact sheets per gender that really briefly summarize the intimacy guide I mentioned above. Remember to keep a positive attitude in the bedroom and include humor in your life.
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If your stoma farts or you have a leak in bed, try to laugh about it with your partner. Communication in the bedroom is really important. Tell your partner what positions are more comfortable and experiment with different positions to find the ones that work for you. With every surgery comes possible complications. These are some of the risks ostomy related surgery can have on your body:.
Your ability to obtain erection and ejaculate may be compromised. It does not matter what kind of ostomy surgery you had, you will not lose your ability to orgasm. Orgasm and ejaculation are separate actions, so while your body may be on board with the orgasm, it may take some work to get your mind there.
Dating with an ostomy
The more intensive your ostomy-surgery was in your pelvic regions, the higher the risk for surgical damage to occur. This can include nerve damage that leads to the inability to achieve erection and can affect potency.
The damage is not always permanent, though it can take years to get your function back. For a nice chart that breaks down the level of risk for each complication associated with which surgery you had, check out page 13 of the UOAA Intimacy Guide.
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- Dating and Intimacy with an Ostomy – Part 1: Background.
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Dating with an Ostomy. If you accept your ostomy , others are more likely to accept it to. So this guy I was dating, after a few dates, we began getting closer physically and I felt it was the appropriate time to share it with him. I felt that we could possibly lead into a relationship. I was really enjoying our time together. So I told him one day on a hike. I felt so sick to my stomach in fear. I was nervous that he was going to completely shut me down.
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When I told him, I was vague, just saying that I had a chronic illness, had some surgeries and now I have a pouch on my abdomen. If he says yes, it usually helps the conversation flow better. I wait and see his reaction to my first statement. I figured that he would have questions at some point and that we could have a more detailed conversation about it as things grew between us.
Unfortunately, we stopped seeing each other. Who knows what that was about. The most recent guy I dated, I also waited a few dates to share with him. One night, as we were kissing, he rubbed my waist and clearly was rubbing all up on my ostomy. I playfully pushed him away without saying anything about it. The next time we went out, I explained my behavior that night and why I pushed him away. Again, I felt like I was going to throw up because of my nerves. I get so nervous for rejection.
Woman shares her experience of dating with a colostomy bag
He and I went out a few more times and he never mentioned our conversation or asked any questions. Two members of the group seemed quite interested in what I had to say, while another joined in mid-way through my explanation. This guy asked me if I been on TV because he had remembered seeing me. After I finished my explanation, I walked cheerily away, happy to know I had spread some more ostomy awareness. I spent 5 minutes explaining to this guy and a group of his comrades that I shit in a bag and showed it to them , yet he still managed to check out my website and fill out the contact form just to hit on me.
Have I been turned down because of it? Have I been broken up with because of it? Have I had a hard time finding a guy at all because of it? The honest answer is no. Well… the real honest answer is that it took me 5 years after ostomy surgery to actually be able to date since beforehand, I weighed much more than I do now thanks to steroids and was extremely awkward and weird thanks to being isolated in the hospital without social interaction for 2 years. But after 5 years of growing into my body and learning how to socialize, the ostomy never, ever, ever, got in the way of my dating life.
Having an ostomy had never once gotten in the way of forming relationships at all. In fact, I used to hope that it would be a filtering device to keep the jerks at bay… but apparently not. Anyhow, I have had such luck in the dating scene with an ostomy that I began to wonder why. I still wondered, though, how no guy has ever cared about my bag. A lovely girlfriend of mine, new to the Toronto dating scene, decided to sign up for the free online dating site, OKCupid.
She showed me how it worked and how she was getting some dates here and there simply from having her profile online. In between the ridiculous messages from guys trying to be funny like this guy ….
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Some said that they thought was I was doing was awesome, and then would ask for my number. Some would ask me more details about how I got my ostomy, and then ask for my number. Others simply sent a messages saying they had learned something new, hoping to spark up some conversation. I even had one guy remember me from an article in the Western Gazette some 2 years ago! Unfortunately, there is one giant flaw. What about the guys who Googled me and decided not to message me because they discovered the ostomy? Because of that, I was unable to calculate my conversation rate.
And clearly, with proof from my experiment, there are enough guys out there who literally do not give a crap about the ostomy. I have since shut down my experiment because I am now in a new relationship with a wonderful guy. A guy who never thought twice about my bag, which he knew about before we even became a couple. When I asked him why he was so accepting of it obviously, because I had to know he said it was not the attitude I have towards it, but the fact that I am confident in myself as a whole. He compared it to the same situation of women who are self-conscious about their weight.
Another thing that you can choose to complain about, another thing to feel bad about, and another thing to get in the way of finding yourself a great boy or girl. So, friends, the moral of this story is that we should all be comfortable in ourselves no matter what we think is wrong with us. Well to be fair, you are extremely attractive.
Want to add to the discussion?
That might have something to do with the huge number of guys who wanted to date you. Well, thank you, Sally. I do think that it may have had an impact on convincing them to Google me, but that was the point! Jess, you are gorgeous. But I do believe that if I spoke badly and complained about my ostomy all the time that it would definitely negatively affect my dating life.