Sometimes denial can run deep. Regardless of your particular situation, if you are involved in an abusive relationship—whether the abuse is physical, emotional, or sexual—you need to end it. You should talk to a friend, parent, or pastor you trust who can help you transition out of your relationship. This piece of advice often comes from one of my high school students when we brainstorm relationship advice together as a group.
No matter how good, godly, and healthy a relationship may be, it cannot fully satisfy the deeper spiritual hungers within you. To enter into any relationship with the expectation that it will be the key to a happy life is to place an idolatrous, unhealthy, and unrealistic expectation on it. This expectation will only suffocate any potential for the relationship to grow in a healthy way. We must never ask or assume another person can provide what only God can. When we stop looking to a relationship to be the key that will unlock the potential of our lives, we open up space for healthy relationships to emerge into what they are meant to be.
Only date someone who has a passion for following Jesus with their whole lives. The statement is clearly well-intended, but like many things within the church the attempt to simplify in order to communicate things clearly has created new problems. For example, the overly simplistic categories of Christian and non-Christian can be an enormous stumbling block.
If the discussion centres on dating Christians vs. But should a Christian relationship be validated by something as trivial as church attendance? That is the kind of person, that kind of disciple, is someone you should pursue. If you want your love for Jesus to deepen throughout your life, committing to only dating and eventually marrying someone with a strong and vibrant faith should be non-negotiable.
Make a list of qualities you want in your future spouse, then work backwards. We date in order to allow God to help us find a kindred spirit with whom we can become a soul mate through marriage. I wanted a perfect score. Was I some kind of unreasonable jerk with an inflated sense of entitlement? Avoid the Romeo and Juliet syndrome. Romeo and Juliet were star-crossed lovers who were so in love they could never be separated.
They quickly melted their own identities into each other and made each other their entire world. This syndrome is all too common in dating relationships. All their spare time was spent with their Romeo or Juliet, and the relationships and priorities that were previously very important were disregarded and pushed aside. The Romeo and Juliet syndrome is closely linked to the assumption that was addressed previously in this list i. Healthy relationships need boundaries, and they need to identify and decide what boundaries are going to be in place as it relates to four dimensions of the relationship:.
What social boundaries need to be in place in order to ensure that each person is investing in healthy relationships outside of the dating relationship? What spiritual boundaries need to be in place in order to ensure that each person is growing spiritually as individuals and not just focusing their spiritual growth on the context of their relationship?
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Here are 10 important principles for Christian dating. If you need to take a minute to let that sink in, I will be here when you get back….
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That would make God a gambler, and the Bible clearly says gambling is from the devil only joking. The beauty of marriage is God sustains you despite your flaws. If you are a Christian, there is no reason to date without a trajectory towards marriage. Now, I want to clarify what I mean. Dating with a trajectory towards marriage means dating with a purpose. It means dating someone who meets the values and goals you have for a future spouse more on that later. We are intentional beings. We are designed to know why we do stuff and where we are going.
Dating is no different. You might get into a relationship with someone who loves Jesus, meets the values you have in a future spouse, and is compatible with you. Maybe they like to cuddle with cats or something. Having coffee or going to eat dinner with the opposite sex is not dating. Dating is more intimate. It involves sharing personal struggles and vulnerability.
So, if you choose not to get coffee or watch a movie with the opposite sex, then whatever. He is the pie. There will be days when life is crashing down, your faith is wavering, and the only thing left is your spouse. This is the beauty of a sanctifying marriage. Without a Christian spouse, one of two things will happen: Without a Christian spouse you will either drift away from God or make your spouse a functional god.
Look…Christians are called to be missionaries. The dating world, however, is not the place to be a missionary. Marry someone who loves Jesus.
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And spread the gospel as missionaries together. If you have no idea what values are important to you in a future spouse, exit the road to marriage at the next off ramp.
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Pull over at the closest gas station and decide what you want in a future spouse. Your list is designed to give you a framework for dating, not be a checklist for it.
Yes…this is a primary value. If you love the Cowboys and your future spouse loves the Packers, is it important to work through this before marriage? No…this is a secondary value. Ever handled a shotgun? If not, let me fill you in.
10 Principles For Christian Dating That Will Transform Lives – Frank Powell
When you pull the trigger, these balls spread over a large range, increasing the chance you hit the target. Five of those should be keepers. Hopefully one will end up as my spouse. Not a good idea. Get to know yourself. Suddenly, when marriage begins, you are asked to flip a switch.