It can be really tempting to get to know the cute boy or girl who lives in the dorm room next to yours. Maybe you feel like you instantly connected the first time you talked. Maybe you bonded during dorm orientation activities. Maybe, like me, you fell asleep next to your neighbor on a couch after a day full of freshman activities, missed dinner, and then mutually decided you were dating when you woke up.
On, like, the third day of school. Yes, there is a chance that it could work out and the first person you date in college actually turns out to be the love of your life. So, not only will you have suffered through a breakup, but everyone else knows it too. Receiving attention from an older student is flattering, no doubt about it, but be wary of differing expectations.
What Freshmen Should Know about Dating in College
By all means, explore the dates, enjoy dinner together at the dining hall, and stop to chat when you pass each other on campus, but be sure you understand what he or she wants before you fall head over heels in love with someone who has no long-term relationship plans. Older students also tend to be more experienced and have different expectations about how far a night will progress. If you meet at a party, an older student may expect that the fling will end when the party is over, while you may hope for a few more dates. Again, trust me on this one. I was definitely more interested in an older guy than he was interested in me.
He has no problem with hooking up with each one of your friends by jumping from one to the next. Do some exploring before you settle on one guy to get hot and heavy with right away. He may not be taking your relationship as seriously as you wished he would if it started out as a random hook-up. No guy wants to approach you if your six best friends are by your side eyeing him with those girly judgmental glares.
Exchange numbers instead, and stay with your girlfriends. College will open doors for you in the way of the dating scene, but it always helps to take things slowly and be wary.
Search form
She is originally from New Jersey, and has loved living in Atlanta for the past three years. Lauren thinks most fondly of her two favorite places - her childhood camp, Camp Wayne for Girls, and Margate on the Jersey shore - from which she has derived a love of friends, family, and the beach.
Skip to main content. DO make friends with the guys on your floor.
The Five Big Dating Mistakes of College Men
DO go out to meet people. The most likely thing a girl that age is going to do with her mind is to change it.
Well, guess what, Kevster: Is something wrong with her? So if you want to succeed with a woman — however you define success for yourself, anywhere from getting a first date to getting some play to marrying her — you must take the lead. You do not wait for the infinitesimal chance that the probability distribution function of her distracted mind will settle upon you as an object of desire.
Sun Tzu said in The Art of War: Because if you do, then she owns your ass. Kevin, my man, and all my boys out there: And the frame is that you are the girl , not her. Exceptions exist, and they mostly prove the rule, and the rule is this: The prettier she is, the more this is true.
A Freshman Girl's Guide to College Dating
Do you think Elvis chased women? As an aside, Hef did chase one woman, and she required that he marry her, and she did own his ass for a decade or so. Kimberley Conrad was her name, for the record. Actually, let me expand on that aside: The women are almost always doing the choosing.
Heck, even Hef had to go all-in to nab that one girl he wanted. So instead of chasing and being the seller, be the buyer. Adopt what I call the stance of the picky buyer. Instead of asking what should I do to make her like me , ask: What has she done for me lately?
That one question changes everything. If you want to get her, you must want her less than she wants you.
College Students
In his letter, Kevin says: Lemme get this straight: And never spent any significant stretch of time say, 24 hours in a row with her. Good word, harridan — so very underutilized. Heck, guys marry women and a year later find out they had no idea what she was like. Let me ask you this: Do you go to the across the street, or the one 5 miles away in the city?
And half the time in this country, you end up breaking up with her, too. So basically, all of your early relationships are a practice of how to love and be loving. For this purpose, I recommend the girl next door, not the one an hour away.
Find someone local, buddy. And if so, what is this dreaded zone? Can it be avoided? The best way to avoid getting stuck in the friend zone is to frame the interaction such that she is chasing you.