We have flair for men, women, trans folks, and gender neutral people. Whether you are a woman or a man, please do not speak for all women.
While men can still offer input, if your view conflicts with a woman's, we ask that you do not downvote or invalidate her response. Ladies, imagine you've just started dating a guy who says he's never really had a girlfriend before. What things are you worried about? So, I just started dating a guy, and I really like him.
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He's dorky, cute, kind, compassionate, and we share a lot of the same interests. He is definitely a bit awkward. He confessed that he'd never been in a serious relationship before. That said, I feel like I should be more worried than I am. I feel like there must be some reason for this, that I just haven't seen yet, probably because I'm still very much in that infatuation stage.
What sorts of things would you be worried about? This thread scares me as being a guy in a similar if not the same exact situation as the guy you're dating is right now. I guess there are things I'm worried about too. Mainly echoing what's been said, but am I being too clingy, am I communicating well enough, am I too insecure, am I losing her interest, and so on. Those fears came rapidly after the girl I'm dating asked me had I ever had a girlfriend before, and when I told her no she asked me why and the most I could muster it just hasn't happened yet, which was my way of saying I've been rejected a ton.
I don't want to make mistakes, but I can't get better if I don't make mistakes as well. If you can't get into a relationship and you, how can you gain relationship experience if people are wary because you haven't had a relationship? Try not to overthink it. There isn't a set standard that all women agree upon in terms of what they're looking for in a partner. For example, some women would absolutely adore the attention of a partner who contacts them frequently, while others may consider that same experience to be excessive.
Relationships are about finding someone who is compatible, not to fit into some pre-constructed mold of how people should behave. This might sound like a selfish statement at first, but hopefully you will come to realize that this also means you are learning to compromise with your partner and establish boundaries for each person as well. If things go well, you have found someone who is compatible and you hopefully make each other equally satisfied in the relationship.
If not, then you will either learn to change things about yourself that you honestly want to improve on a personal level, or you learn to look for traits that make a more compatible partner for you. Talk things through honestly. It is not an understatement when people say that communication is of utmost importance in relationships. If someone isn't giving you the time of day just because of your supposed lack of experience, they do not sound very mature or accepting in general. It's something I sort of fear. I just don't know how to make that concern known to a girl I'm currently dating for fear of a lot of backlash.
I've struggled for a while with meaningfully explaining this idea I had in my head about first relationships and you put it into words perfectly. Yeah, and this is why everyone stresses communication so much.
- star signs dating site.
- stardom dating house.
- 15 Reasons You've Never Had A Girlfriend.
Ideally, you're looking for a level of comfort where you can easily and frequently say "hey can we slow down a bit? I really think this factor is why I'm married - it was the first relationship where I vowed to myself that I wasnt gonna play games or make it about reading my mind, but to openly and honestly air any grievances or issues and try to work them out. Every previous relationship I had was a fail because I thought it should just naturally work out "if you loved me enough" but that's basically BS - if you love someone they deserve communication and compromise.
See the movie, "The 40 Year Old Virgin", where the more sexually and relationship savvy people were just a fucked and clueless as how to have a healthy relationship than a guy who had never had one. Mistakes happen even when people have been in relationships for years. When a girl really likes you, she'll be able to get over the little mistakes as long as you've shown her you're willing to work at it, while still just being a guy that can make her happy and she makes you happy.
I knew a guy who first got married in his sixties to a woman of the same age who had just given up on being a nun. A lot of people like to treat sex or relationships like adding badges or trophies. But people aren't really like that. I heard he's sort of a douche. Would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who judges you harshly for being inexperienced? My second post on this answers that question.
They likely wouldn't see themselves as compatible with me, and likewise. It's a hard question to answer.
Ideally no but after a certain age people just expect that you've been experienced. People who will wonder why end up becoming the majority of women. As a man who's near 30 I sometimes wonder if I've reached that age.
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Want to make that known; Don't know how to make it known without me sounding like I want to be graded on relationships. It's like trying to get a job that wants experience that you don't have because every job wants experience. It's a frustrating cycle. As long as you are willing to communicate and put effort in, I don't think there is a huge issue.
It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things, to me.
What happens if I just tell the truth and say that I got really depressed when I was younger, and I isolated myself from everyone? Is that too much? I can't really think of anything else to say without appearing shady. I'm 30 haven't had a relationship since 18 that lasted 6 months. Haven't even had sex for years.
Soooo what I'm saying is not that I suck la la sob story but that i would start working on it sooner rather than later because the longer you wait the more hopeless it becomes. Probably doesn't help I'm in seattle and things are weird here. Same here man, I'm 28 and never had a girlfriend and as far as sexual experience, still a virgin. I dated a girl only 3 dates who seemed semi experienced with relationships about 2 years ago, we had a few dates and actually was about to do some 'love making' and I told her the truth of my lack of experience, I thought I was going to lie when I got the chance with a women but thought it was best to say.
She freaked out and didn't want to go through with it with me. We had a talk the day after and she couldn't be with someone her age who never has been in a relationship or a virgin of that matter. I know it's only 1 persons view but that really dented my confidence since then and haven't even tried to do anything since. And every little thing that people have said in this thread is what always keeps coming up in mind mind that they will worry about with me. And also not forgetting I guess it only gets worse with age, the main problem is getting depressed and cynical which doesn't help the case.
Yeah I feel you. I'm still young being 20 and all, but I still fret a lot. I just hugged a girl I was romantically interested in the for the first time on our 2nd date. When I say nervous, I mean fucking nervous. Haven't even reached kissing yet because that's foreign to me, and sex will be interesting if I reach that point. Ha, I remember when I started dating and this one girl said she didn't want the pressure of being my first girlfriend.
25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.
We were like 18 at the time, so I didn't think not having any prior experience would actually hurt my chances. If someone asked me why it hadn't happened yet I'd probably start shut down into full self hate mode. My immediate thought if someone were to tell my I was attractive hasn't happened unless you count my therapist and my mother would probably be that they're either pitying me or trying to play me.
So if someone asked my why I've never been in a relationship I'd probably respond with something like "Because I'm an ugly depressed Aspergersridden worthless shit. I'm a dude who met his first girlfriend at 21 she had experience, I did not. Everything happened very fast and we fall hard for each other. Of course the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever, and there is work to do, but if you're determined to be your best and admit mistakes because you will make them and your girl is accepting, you'll make it.
Don't let yourself succumb to anger, keep a clear head, don't fall into resentment, and communicate everything. A lot of how you and your actions are perceived is colored by the stereotype that someone bins you in. Even the kindest people can't help this effect to some degree. So you told her you've never had a girlfriend.
Now, if you do something that could be perceived as clingy, it is more likely to be perceived that way. If I couldn't be honest with someone about telling them about my lack of relationship experience because I was too concerned they find some incompatible flaw, or think I was someone clingy or immature, then I likely shouldn't have been dating that person in the first place.
I understand what you're saying, but for me personally I feel better and feel I can be a better partner by being honest about things. Also, it'll help you be in healthy relationships with honest communication, no deception, and no stress of having to remember which lies were told. I'm sure you already know that, though.
Haha, reading this just echoed the whole idea of job experience. How can you get an entry level job if one of the requirements is job experience? I guess the same goes for being in a relationship. I guess the window for having your first relationship starts to close as you get older. I know it is really hard, but try your best not to freak out about all the things you don't yet know. For you, be up-front about the fact that you WILL probably make mistakes, and that you are worried to do so. This way, when one of your mistakes causes a misunderstanding, it will be easier to clear up, and it will also be easier for you both to learn from.