The only born girl may be very demanding when she enters a relationship. She sometimes relies on her boyfriend or husband for directions. But most of the time only born girls try to take charge and make decisions regarding their relationship. This can lead to frustration and conflicts at interpersonal level. In these cases the potential of misunderstandings is unlimited. By paying close attention to her nonverbal communication, a boyfriend can orient himself to her.
Unless he pays attention to her body language and non-verbal signals, this could be a difficult relationship for him. Sometimes only born free expression of emotion can become irritating and unbearable in a relationship. When she relate to a person or an event, she may try to give all the details; this can cause frustration of the partner.
She may set high standards for herself and for others, so that she may be perceived as critical or even controlling. She too finds suggestions as criticism. She may be impatient and not able to tolerate to wait until she gets what she wants. She may expect her relationship partner to take the same role of her primary care giver. Many times she will certainly become unsatisfied with the relationship when she is not treated like a child. Many only born girls act a lot like firstborns. Some of them tend to be responsible as well as mature.
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What Your Birth Order Says About Your Relationships - mindbodygreen
Dedicated to your stories and ideas. A website by Thought. Last Borns Studies have shown that last born children rate fairly similar to their middle-born counterparts but are also attributed more negative descriptors in keeping with the stereotype of them being spoiled. Firstborn to Firstborn This kind of blend could be seen a little risky since both are going to fight for dominance.
Firstborn with Last Born The firstborn always wanting to be in control and the last born always seeking comfort and wanting to be taken care of is actually a win-win kind of relationship. Middle with Middle It is very natural for middle children to avoid confrontation, so in this kind of relationship the most common dilemma they would face is the matter of communicating with each other.
Youngest with Middle This is one hell of a couple. Only Children with Everyone Most people assume that the onlies have the same personality like the firstborns but they could actually develop two different kinds of personalities: More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday!
They have one rule: While one person speaks, the other cannot interrupt; and before replying, the one who has been listening has to "feed back" to the speaker's satisfaction everything that the speaker said. Yes, this is a ponderous way to have a discussion. But it does wonders for helping spouses learn how to hear each other and understand what each other is saying. That last question might open up the door for practicing more active listening, as long as you avoid being defensive. And that brings us to the next tip:.
Now that I've touched on the so-called "best" and the statistically "not so hot" birth-order combinations for marriage, have I left you encouraged or discouraged? Maybe you're a bit puzzled because you're supposed to have a dandy marriage but things aren't going that well. Maybe you're indignant because you aren't considered a good match and you get along just fine, thank you! So what does Leman know about anything? All of these discussions of which birth-order combinations make strong or weak marriages follow the same principle that I have been repeating and will continue to repeat throughout this book: When talking about birth order, all general statements are indicators, not rules.
In other words, all these general guidelines are arrows, pointing in a certain direction, but that hardly means that the fate of your marriage has been decided by your birth orders. And they aren't an excuse for saying, "Well, it's hopeless. We're both first borns and that means we're doomed to divorce. I know plenty of marriages where two first borns get along very nicely. My own first-born sister, Sally, is an example. She married first-born, Wes, a meticulous perfectionist who is a dentist.
You would think that by now Sally and Wes would have picked each other to pieces, but not so. They have built a great marriage around a common faith in God, a sense of balance, and plenty of hard work, and they have three super kids to show for it. So the good news remains the same. Birth order is never a final determinant of anything, only an indicator of problems and tensions that you may discover or create for yourselves.
Who you should marry based on your birth order
No matter what your birth order and that of your spouse, what counts is how you use your particular strengths and how you modify or deal with your particular weaknesses. There is no big mystery in making your marriage work, but it is always difficult. Knowing birth-order characteristics of you and your mate is just one step toward learning how to get along and have a happy life together. Another important step is understanding each other's life-style.
In the next chapter we'll talk about what happens when a man and a woman try to build a home and family by putting their individual really unique life-styles together. Do I find fault with what my mate wears, says, or does? When was the last time I gave my mate a special present for absolutely no particular reason except to say, "I love you"?
Speaking of "I love you," when was the last time I said those three little wonderful words to my mate? What is the one thing I know my mate would love to have me do? Am I planning to do it this week? Do we worship together? Or are we like too many couples who seem to have decided that God is like the Edsel, obsolete? Do I take the time to find out what my mate is really interested in? Do I take the time to understand the "ins and outs" of his or her favorite pastime or activity? Excerpt from "Chapter Eleven: Published by Fleming H.
Revell, a division of Baker Book House Co. Best-selling author, psychologist, humorist, and radio and television personality Kevin Leman believes your personality tendencies, your business savvy, your perspective on parenting, and your choice in a marriage partner are largely determined by birth order -- by whether you are the oldest, only, middle or youngest child. Buy the book by clicking here.
The Christian Broadcasting Network. Stop "improving" on things your spouse does or says.
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To a perfectionist, this may be a real trick, but bite your tongue and do it anyway. The New Testament compares the tongue to the bit in a horse's mouth or the rudder of a huge ship see James 3: This vivid metaphor says it all. The bit and the rudder control everything, and the tongue can literally determine the direction of your marriage. Stop "shouldering" your mate. For first-born perfectionists, criticism is second nature. Once you quit trying to jump high, you can stop asking your mate to do so as well.
- How Your Birth Order Affects Your Romantic Relationships.
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Define roles carefully to avoid arguments over control. In other words, decide who does what. One spouse can do the shopping while the other pays the bills and balances the checking account. Help each other with assigned tasks and try to be considerate and aware of the other's responsibilities. If one spouse does the shopping, the other should not complain about the high grocery bill. I counseled one couple where the perfectionist, critical husband complained incessantly until his wife told him, "Okay, you shop this week.
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Get rid of the we've got-to-do-it-my-way attitude. The old cliche applies: There is more than one way to skin a cat and your way is not necessarily best. One of the best sentences any first-born perfectionist can learn to say to his or her first-born spouse is: Let's try it your way. Some practical suggestions for first borns married to middles include: Make it a point to have regular recaps and discuss feelings and what is happening.
Do not let your spouse toss you a bone by saying, "Everything's fine.