Who Should Pay On A First Date?
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Kate Carraway posts at katecarraway. Her column appears Tuesday. Copyright owned or licensed by Toronto Star Newspapers Limited. To order copies of Toronto Star articles, please go to: Even so, I have to say it feels very nice and even normal when the man pays for the first date. Why do we care whether the person not paying at least offers to pay? I polled a bunch of friends and coworkers on their reasons and expectations when it comes to this loaded question!
The results are in:. By giving up financial resources, he is literally sacrificing a resource with the potential to bring value to himself exclusively, and giving someone else a valuable experience. These are not easily proven through financial sacrifice.
I would say from my own experiences and observations that it is generally true the man usually asks the woman out, and he also picks the venue. I think barring a date that is really inexpensive, it makes sense that the person who asks also pays for the date, and I can only imagine this is how it usually works out during the dating phases of same sex couples.
Who Should Pay On A First Date? | HuffPost Life
The person who asks and picks the date venue is indirectly setting the budget of the date. It might be rude to assume your date can pay for half a very expensive date when she had no say in where it would take place. I think this mentality is highly influenced by our previous relationships as well as the dynamic between our parents growing up.
My dad was in charge of the repairs and technology portion of the household. This aligns more closely with how I was thinking about the topic right after college. No matter how much we would like to believe otherwise, money clouds our judgment. Having someone else pay for us can create a feeling of indebtedness.
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Or it may indirectly shift the way we perceive someone. So what do you think?
What are your reasons for thinking so? Seems logical the one who is approaching the other about going out for a date should pay for it. On the other hand, if both met online and have mutual feelings for each other I would think both should split the expenses. Great analysis of this well-debated question! I feel like I had the same experience as you.
When I was in grad school, I felt like the guy should always pay, mostly because I was a broke grad student.
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I still had this entitlement even when I was dating a fellow grad student who was more broke than I was. On my first date with my boyfriend, I paid for my own drink, but then let him pay for the subsequent ones. Once we became pretty serious, we alternated paying for each other. And now, we just go on free or cheap dates! My first boyfriend did pay for me, so maybe I internalized it ever since as the man having to pay. Women have kind of been screwed over for eons and more so in earnings, I think we should get a little tiny break considering there are so many snowball effects from hundreds and thousands of years of servitude.
Throw in mixed race couples and things get even more interesting about which person should have to make up for the others long standing short end of the stick!! I want an equitable relationship, but also to be generous with my partner. So on our first date we split: I paid for movie tickets and he paid for food.
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We got to thank each other for covering us both while paying pretty close to same amount of money. I think the first date sets up some dynamics of the relationship, but many dynamics change once people are in long term partnership. My first date policy is pretty simple: