Sometimes it was a bit scary asking someone out. In those days it was expected that the guy would always ask the woman out, so men experienced more anxiety about initial rejection. Society has moved a long way towards more equality. Women are beginning to feel freer to ask for a date. You know about half the people in the room, a few you recognize as acquaintances and the rest are strangers.
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You work the room and network and leave there with a few new contacts and plans to join a new group of women for Wine Wednesday. The next day, one of the men you met asks you out on a date. You run through several scenarios in your head of what you might say or do and what his reaction might be.
How do I respond to him asking me out? What will I wear? Is it trendy enough? Do I really care about that?
Is my personal style exciting enough for him? Where will we meet? He wants me to pick the coffee shop?! What will you talk about?
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What if there is a lull in conversation? Shrug your shoulders, slow down your breathing, and try to relax. There are a number of things you can do to lower your anxiety. Here are some of those tips that my single clients have found very helpful when dating. First, when on a date or talking on the phone prior to a date, a great way to reduce your anxiety about dating is to take the focus off of yourself.
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Asking questions and finding out what your date is interested in is the best way to do this. Take note of the hobbies they listed in their profile and ask about it. Let them do most of the talking but be sure to be actively listening. People love to talk about themselves and their hobbies or other interests.
They could be sports, recreation, traveling, dining out, social causes, you name it. Focusing on who they are can help quell some of your own anxiety. And an added bonus, you will probably learn something new! The first few dates are for getting to know each other. Oversharing in the beginning, on either end, can be too much. You and your date should not be sharing your deep dark secrets on the first date. In fact, when people over-share and become instantly attached, it often fizzles out just as quickly as it started, leading to some serious heartbreak. Remember to keep it light! Your first few dates should have a positive happy conversation.
Avoid asking about traumatic, dramatic or any other negative events. Do your best to stay positive, optimistic and in the moment. Thinking about what might happen or could happen is exactly what your anxiety stems from. You could start off your date by choosing an outfit in which you feel great about yourself, your favorite top or pair of jeans.
Do I compliment her? Girls like compliments, right? What if I come off as creepy?
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How does my hair look? Do I have anything in my teeth? Does she know how nervous I am? With dating apps, I believe that problem is eliminated. Phone anxiety and social anxiety often go hand in hand. One of the worst parts about phone anxiety is the silence. My worst nightmare was talking to a female on the phone and there being any type of awkward silence because again, a million thoughts would go through my head. Should I say something? What if we say something at the same time? Should I let her talk first?
Dating Anxiety
I probably screwed this up. Much like the ice breaker, I can carefully craft whatever I want to say. Now, I will say this, something I had to work through was when she would take forever to reply. Also, am I the only one who thinks read receipts were purposely made to trigger people with social anxiety? The people are very friendly.
You don't have to hide anything! Thanks for changing my life! We're getting married next Spring. Keep up the great work! Our site is the only one online that serves the specific niche audience of those with a diagnosed mental illness. By creating this inclusive community our users can rest assured that each user on the site is sensitized to the particular challenges of managing a mental illness.