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10 Warning Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship
Need help breaking free from addiction? He is also an adjunct faculty member at the University Next Post By Gary. Previous Post By Gary. Love addicts hungrily rely on them to actualize their made-for-TV dream of true love. About three months ago, Melissa met Jake on Plenty of Fish, one of the many free Internet dating sites. Not only did their profiles match up perfectly, but the photos they shared with each other sparked deep waves of anticipation and excitement.
After exchanging a string of emails, each getting longer and more personally revealing than the last, Melissa and Jake moved "offline" and began speaking on the phone. These were not just regular phone calls, but marathon calls that lasted for hours. The more they talked, the more the waves of excitement and anticipation built. Melissa felt in her soul that Jake was the perfect man, the man she had been looking for her whole life. Jake's masculine and bold voice soothed her. His edgy and commanding nature made her melt inside. She imagined Jake to be a brave and confident man who could light up any room with his charisma and charm.
Jake seemed to know exactly what he wanted, and had a story about how he always got what he wanted -- or, as he would say, "grab any bull by the horns and make his life happen.
It didn't take long before they exhausted the exquisitely detailed telling of their life stories. Almost every topic took on a romantic and mildly sexual tone. Although they never talked directly about sex, the roundabout seductive nature of their discussion opened a flood gate of wanton anticipation.
How to Date Someone Who Is Codependent
It was as if they were strongly charged magnets whose opposite compelling attraction was building up by the hour. Although neither tried to fight this irresistible magnetic force, they knew if they tried, it would have been futile -- no different than a guppy swimming up a raging river trying to mimic its salmon cousins.
Melissa and Jake met at a local Olive Garden. When they met, the electric charge of their shared chemistry sent a palpable shock though them both. Almost instantly, they lost control of their facial muscles.
Neither could stop smiling nor stop their deep soul-seeking gazes into each other's eyes. Both were blessed with beautiful faces upon which the other's eyes could feast.
How to Stay Clear of Codependent Relationships - Dating & Social Anxiety Disorder
When they would break eye contact, they found their eyes roving in the direction of the other's much-appreciated body contours. The first step to successfully navigating a relationship with someone who has this problem is to understand the symptoms of codependency. For example, your codependent partner may feel he is worthless if his mother speaks badly of him.
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People who are codependent also have trouble communicating honestly because they are afraid to upset the other person. They also may stay in unhappy relationships out of fear of being rejected or abandoned.
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A person who is codependent may be afraid to express his own thoughts, feelings and needs out of fear of rejection, says Lancer. Encourage honesty in the relationship by offering positive support to your partner when he does have the courage to be truthful about his thoughts and feelings. In the same manner, if you sense he is not being forthright about his needs, provide an opportunity to discuss them. For example, if he lets you make most of the plans for your dates and goes along with your choices of restaurants and movies — start asking for his opinions about where he would like to eat and what he would like to see.
Be open to his feelings, thoughts and choices and be clear that you want to be partners in making decisions in the relationship, rather than having him bend to your needs.