I met another woman over the weekend. Things seemed to go well, but she hasn't replied to my messages all day and now I think that's over too. I get so invested in these women so early and it just kills me when they're not interested back. I really don't know that I'm built to take the rejection.
After 10 Years, Here's Why I’m Over Online Dating
I want a relationship with someone, to be close to them and be able to share everything. I've never had that I feel so alone. I'm sure the answer here is just to keep trying, I've only met a small number of people. But I find that so hard to focus on when I feel like this. I should have experienced all this 15 years ago and feel so far behind now, like it'll never happen and every rejection is proof of that. I'm in no way suicidal if that's something that has come across above.
I just want to not be alone anymore. Big upvote on this. You are not alone, and your sense of "being behind" everyone else is wrong. As my therapist tells me, "stay in your lane. There is no minimum speed limit. Once you have been rejected times, a new rejection will feel like morning drizzle on your face.
You are too needy and desperate for affection - and its understable why-, but you need to accept the game as it is: You will not be alone in the end, but you NEED to project that you are perfectly OK being alone and that you do not need a woman to be happy. You need to care less, you need to undestand there 's of women out there you could date and you are just running the numbers game. I feel like my brain isn't sharp enough to give you what you need at the moment It feels to me as if you are way too invested in your poor track record.
As if you are looking to either change everything in your past with this next woman or to confirm the negative narrative about yourself that you have built up in your mind. This is too much for any woman to deal with. And I assure you they will sense it. You must wipe the slate clean and start fresh with yourself. You need to forgive your past, including yourself and anyone else you might blame for it. You must have a calm ease about yourself when you meet someone new. And as you correctly noted, you are getting way too invested too early. The stakes are way too high for you. You are still very young and have a lot of time to work your way through this.
But you need to calm your mind down.
After 10 Years, Here's Why I’m Over Online Dating | HuffPost
If I were you I would look for a therapist who could basically coach me through my dating. You are getting dates consistently, clearly you are both not hideous looking and able to hold a text conversation. Now ask yourself, on these dates, are you doing anything at all to indicate physical interest? Are you properly using eye contact? Are you initiating and then building on touch? Are you able to read her signals?
The first part of that connection is appearance, and you sound like you consistently clear that bar. The second part is building the physical tension, and it sounds like you are missing this. Also, are you coming across as "needy" and possibly "desperate" as you come off on here. If so, you gotta fake it till you make it. Don't divulge your past and your utter lack of dating experience, relationships, or even sex.
I know we all need to be honest about these things, but none of these things are first date conversations. Gotta use that phone only to set the next date, not to send messages to girls. I usually get to know someone for some time before I'm willing to meet them. And then continue to get to know them between dates. It is crucial to get that second date either at the end of the first date in person or right after via text and not just let it linger It all depends on how you like to communicate and if your potential partner shares your style, and if they don't the long term prospects might not be very good.
The dates, human interaction, real life is how you are going to build attraction. And there may be different styles but with women, the fundamentals are always the same. If you talk to much at first you will kill the mystery. And you make yourself seem too available. I was married much of my adult life and obviously not dating, but prior to getting married I did online dating and chatted with women on ICQ and Yahoo Messenger And while I haven't been at it long, I have not had a single person I was interested in say no to a first date, nor have I had anyone I was interested in having a second date with say no to a second date.
Welcome to Reddit,
I have interacted with people who don't communicate well over text, and those I lose interest with immediately because I know our communication styles aren't compatible. I don't play games with dating I don't need there to be mystery and I don't need to pretend to be unavailable. I am what I am and if that's not good enough for her, pass But it hasn't been a problem for me at all.
There's been a lot of great replies here for which I'm hugely grateful. This one jumps out to me though because you mention the physical side. Understandably maybe given what I've posted, I'm bad at making it clear I'm physically interested. I'm decent I think at maintaining eye contact, but sometimes I think I'm too intense maybe?
And physical contact on my last date other than a hug at the start and end was nonexistent.
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There was a moment I thought I could brush the back of her hand when I was making a point, but I didn't have the nerve at the time Instead I just put my hand next to hers on the table. I'm still learning I suppose. This is fine, don't feel a need or rush to make physical contact. If you're paying attention to everything else, the physicality is just another piece of the puzzle that will come naturally.
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Yep, I was exactly like this. You have to bring your own light into the darkness. No one can do it for you. Others can try to help - they can say what worked for them, they can point to tools to help craft your light, they can cheer you on - but ultimately it's yours and everyone's burden to figure out how to get that stupid light to work. Go to the dentist.
Build resilience to what scares you or makes you feel shitty. The more you get rejected, the easier it is to walk off. I'm not saying the process of getting to that point is easy.